Loveless Lily
by electra27
Summary: FINALLY CH 30 UP! fits of jealousy, stupid crushes, a very long hospital wing stay, and Gryffindor loses a quidditch match! but it all turns out for the best for lily... it might even find her some true love...
1. All Courtney

Author's note: Hey, this is my first fan fic - so don't laugh. It's probably really crap, but I'm bored and decided to write something. Only three more things to say: REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!

~*~*~*~*~*

CHAPTER ONE

"Hey Courtney."

"Hey Lily."

"Courtney?"

"Hmn…?"

"Who are you staring at?"

"No one."

"Courtney?"

"Hmn…?"

"Will you listen for a moment!?"

Courtney turned to face me, and I saw her face was, um… to put it nicely, I'd say ruined - with make-up. 

"Why are you wearing so much make-up?"

"I'm not. I always wear this much."

I've heard this line a million times.

"Who is it this time?"

Silence. 

"C'mon, spill."

I can always tell when Courtney has a new crush, which I might add is every week. No wonder she gets dumped or rejected so often, she tries so hard to… you know what I mean. I just don't have the heart to tell her that she's making herself look really desperate, especially since she has really bad taste. 

Nevertheless, I try to be a good friend by asking who it is.

"Well?"

I follow her gaze. 

Oh god. No…

"Potter…?"

"Of course it's not him."

Of course she's lying. Probably because she knows I think he's an idiot. 

"Courtney, you have serious issues."

"I know… Do you think he'll go to the dance with me?" she mutters dreamily. 

Great. Fabulous. Now we can spend the whole of lunchtime perving on Potter and hatching a plan to get him to go out with Courtney. 

"Lily! Lily!"

"Uh huh."

"He's coming this way!" Courtney squeals. 

"Hey," James says. 

"Hey," I mutter back. 

"Hi!" Courtney breathes. 

"So, is it yes yet?" James asks. He's been asking me out since, well, since forever. 

I ignore him and continue eating. 

"Alright then. I'll see you round," he turns to leave. 

"James," Courtney says. 

"Yeah."

"Nice, um… robes," Courtney finishes lamely. 

"Thanks," James frowns and walks away. 

"That was hopeless, wasn't it?" Courtney sighs. 

"Yep."

Lily's diary 

So now Courtney is completely smitten with James. She's even memorized James' timetable, and tries to run into him between classes. Hopeless. My job as her love life manager is to talk about how great she is when James is anywhere near me. She's so obsessed with boys. It's like she'd die without them. Time to put plan 'Courtney Potter' into action. 

~*~*~*~*~* 

"Hey James."

"Lily."

"Um… I was wondering, would you like to-,"

"-go to the dance with me?"

"Very funny. No. What I was going to ask before you interrupted me was whether you would consider going to the dance with Courtney."

"Oh. You're kidding."

"No."

"You're really serious."

"Yeah."

"Does she know you're asking me this?"

"Nup." In other words, yes. It was her idea. But James doesn't need to know all the details. 

"So, you're asking me out for her behind her back?"

"Yep. I think she likes you, and I figure she'll be grateful when she finds out I've asked you out for her," I lie. 

James considers it for a moment. 

"What's in it for me?"

"Um… a great girl?"

"Don't give me that."

"Ok. Maybe I might like you the slightest bit more if you do this for me."

"For you? Alright. Chuck in a few galleons and you have a deal."

What? Does he think I'm made of money?

"Two."

"Seven."

"No way! Three's my limit."

"Deal!"

"Deal!"

And then he just walks away, messing up his hair like usual. 

Lily's diary 

__

Now James is going to the dance with Lily, and I'm left without a date (not that I really want one). It's strange to have James not annoying me for once. Well, I have to go get Courtney ready for the dance. 


	2. Lily hit by jealousy

CHAPTER TWO

"How do I look? Is my hair too puffy?" Courtney peers at herself in the mirror. 

"You look wonderful." And I'm being serious. Courtney looks ready to take on any guy!

"More mascara I think," Courtney says, frowning. 

"No," I push her firmly away from the mirror and down the stairs. 

Courtney had no dresses, so I lent her one of mine. It's almost exactly her size. It's made of a pale silvery purpley material that changes colour with every movement. 

"You think he'll like it?"

"Sure."

"I don't know Lily, maybe this isn't such a great idea after all."

"Don't be stupid." I push Courtney into the common room where James is waiting in a corner in fabulous robes. 

"Oh my god, he's so cute!" Courtney squeals. "I am totally unworthy of him!"

"Uh huh, that's great," I say absent-mindedly. He IS really cute. What am I thinking, I scold myself, stop being stupid, he's Courtney's cute date. 

We make our way over to James. 

"Hey Lily," he grins. 

"Hi," I give a stern look. 

"Oh, right. Hi Courtney," he adds. 

Courtney just smiles sweetly like I had her practice about a million times. 

"Lily, you're not dressed up." James comments.

I raise my eyebrows at him and stare pointedly at Courtney. 

He sighs. "Let's go Courtney."

I turn to head back to the dormitory when Sirius catches me. 

"Hey Lily!"

"Oh, hi."

"Aren't you coming?"

"Well…"

"C'mon, come with me."

I consider it for a while, and then decide it would probably be safe to keep an eye on Courtney. 

"Ok, I'll be right down," I reply before dashing up stairs to pull on a dress. 

Sirius and I dance for a bit, just as friends, before taking a seat. I glance at Courtney and James. They both seem happy. A while later they find a seat in a corner of the hall and start talking. I try desperately to lip read their conversation, but Sirius catches me off guard. 

"Hey, are you eaves dropping on them?"

"No!"

"Sure…"

I don't say anything. 

"Why don't you like James?"

Great, another random question. 

"Um… I don't know."

"So why don't you give him a chance?"

"I'm giving him a chance with Courtney," I reply. 

James and Courtney get up and start dancing again. 

Sirius goes off to talk with someone else, and I spend the rest of the evening watching Courtney and James. Near the end of the evening, they sit again, and I notice James is holding Courtney's hand. Wow, paying him for this was so worth the money. He's acting it really well. Suddenly he leans over and kisses her on the cheek once. Then he touches her face and kisses her on the lips once, then twice, and Courtney just takes it all in. 

Lily's diary 

__

_I hate it when something hits you square in the face, and you have no idea what to do. I'm just staring at Courtney and James, and then this sudden twinge of jealousy rises in me. Jealous? No way. I hate this guy! Or maybe I don't after all. Courtney. It's all her fault. At least I know James is only doing this for the money, for me. At least I think he is…_


	3. Helping Hints

CHAPTER THREE 

It's before lunch and I'm in divination with Courtney, and extremely bored. Courtney's going on and on about last night. I wish she'd just shut up! All I can hear is the droning of her voice. I've completely tuned out. I tear a piece of parchment and start writing a note to Bertha (I know, her parents have real problems with choosing names. Her twin brother is called Martin. But they're both nice people, and not bad looking either). 

_Me: Hey. I'm bored. _

_Bertha: Yeah, me too. What's up?_

_Me: Not a lot. _

_Bertha: How was the dance?_

_Me: Alright I guess…_

_Bertha: Alright? Sirius took you! He's only reeeaaalllyyy cute!_

_Me: Uh huh…_

_Martin: I took Daniella. Score!_

_Bertha: Oh go away. This is girl talk. _

_Martin: Excuse me!_

_Me: Excuse ME! I'm being ignored!_

_Martin: Sorry. _

_Me: Nice robes by the way._

_Martin: Shut up, I can't help it that I spilt milk all down my robes. _

_Bertha: Ok, back to the original conversation topic. _

_Me: What is there to say?_

_Bertha: Come on! I know Courtney didn't hook James herself. _

_Martin: Nice to know you have such faith in CC. _

_Me: Since when do you call her CC? Anyway, I asked James for her. _

_Bertha: Wow! To think he'd actually go to a dance with her. They seemed to get along last night though. _

_Martin: Thanks a lot Lils, I was planning to ask CC. _

_Me: Really? You should tell her that. Anyway, James was only pretending to like Courtney because I asked him and I paid him. _

_Bertha: Pay? You did that for Courtney?_

_Me: She doesn't know about that. I haven't even given him the money yet. I'll do it at lunchtime. _

_Bertha: I don't think James dislikes Courtney though. _

_Me: He only did it 'cause I asked him. _

_Bertha: Ooooh, being a bit protective are we?_

_Martin: Do you mind? Feeling rejected!_

_Me: Sorry. _

_Martin: I thought you hated James. _

_Me: I do!_

_Bertha: Hmn, I'd say you used to…_

_Me: Do you mind?_

_Martin: So do you still hate him? I mean, He's been chasing you since, well, forever. You should be a little nicer to him now that he's done you a favour._

_Me: I was planning to do that. _

_Bertha: Courtney told me about her romantic night. _

_Me: So?_

_Bertha: You know you care. _

_Martin: You were lip-reading them all night!_

_Me: You've been spying on me?_

_Bertha: He secretly stalks you. _

_Martin: Not!_

_Me: Right, whatever. _

_Martin: Did you see them kiss?_

_Bertha: On the lips!_

_Me: Yeah. Your point is?_

_Bertha: Nothing. It's just that they stayed back after you left, and he went into the garden with her and…Well, you don't want to know. _

_Me: Yes I do!_

_Martin: The suspense is killing me. _

_Me: They what??_

_Bertha: Kissed a lot. I've heard that he…_

_Me: What??_

_Martin: CC's dress was nice. _

_Me: Um, HER dress? You mean MY dress that I lent her, which she hasn't given back yet!_

_Bertha: Ooooh, jealous. _

_Martin: This is getting nowhere. _

_Bertha: Yes it is. I'm trying to prove to Lils a very obvious point. _

_Me: And that would be-?_

_Bertha: You don't hate him. _

_Me: Who? James? I don't have a crush on him!_

_Bertha: I never said you did, I'm just pointing out that maybe you don't hate him that much. That doesn't mean you love him. _

_Me: Bah! Love? We're too young. Everyone gets distracted by 'love' so much. _

_Martin: 'cept you. _

_Bertha: Well how do you think she keeps her grades up? She's the only serious worker in out year. _

_Me: So what do you want me to do?_

_Bertha: I don't know, just talk to James or something. Say thank you for doing it for you. Remind him that he only went with Courtney because of you. You can do it at lunch. _

_Martin: That makes Lils sound desperate. _

_Me: Yeah, listen to your brother for once. _

_Bertha: I'm hungry…_

BELL! 

Great, lunch. Suddenly I'm not so hungry anymore. 

"C'mon Lily, I'm hungry," Courtney whines. 

"Coming," I say. 

"I wonder if James will be there."

"Maybe."

"What was that note about? Can I read it?" Courtney reaches for my bag. 

"No! I mean later," I'm counting on her short memory span to keep me out of hot water. 

"Alright."

~*~*~*~*~*

"Hey, dude…"

"Yeah, what?" I mutter impatiently. 

"How was the dance with Courtney?"

"James, James, tell me all about it!"

"Go away Remus, I'm asking him first."

"Aw, c'mon Sirius, let me hear. James, tell!"

"Guys, go away!" I say. 

"She was looking pretty hot."

"Instead of really desperate like usual."

I go red in the face. Why did I ever go to the dance with Courtney? Because Lily asked me, I remind myself. 

"Yeah, she's usually like total makeup disaster girl."

"Ickle Jamesie is embarrassed!"

"Guy, layoff me will you? Nothing happened. She's just a nice girl in a nice dress. Remus, Why don't you go and bug Sirius about him and Lily?"

"Ooooh, nice girl…"

"Ooooh, nice dress."

"Anyways, nothing happened with Lily and Sirius. But you and Courtney went off after the dance."

BELL!

"So… you going to tell us what happened yet?"

I ignore them. They're so annoying sometimes. They were like this when I first asked Lily out, and got rejected. 

I glance over at Courtney. She's busy chatting to Lily, who looks kind of, well, depressed. Courtney lazily twirls her golden hair as she talks. I've never really realized how nice Courtney looks. Lily just kind of looks, well, weird I guess, with that wavy red hair and electric green eyes that seem to see right through me. Courtney's just, well, she accepts what I say to her, rather than challenging me like Lily does. It's nice to have someone not trying to push you off all the time. Courtney turns and catches my eye for a second. Wow, she has such nice amber eyes. 

"James? Man, you're like so in la la land," Sirius says, giving me a push. 

I glance back a Courtney. Lily leans over the table and murmurs something to the girl opposite her, Bertha I think. Then stands up and heads in my direction. 

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: Better yet? Am I leaving you in suspense? This chapter is longer than the other ones. Review, review!__


	4. What are friends for

CHAPTER FOUR

"What do I say?" I ask Bertha. 

"Just start a conversation, and if you think it feels right, just say it," Bertha says. 

Courtney is busily prodding people and trying to annoy them by telling them about her fabulous night with James. 

"Just go," Bertha insists, "We'll be right here for you."

"A good lot of use that'll be," I reply bluntly. 

I stand up and take a breath. Ok, it can't be that hard to make conversation with a really popular guy, can it?

"Good luck," Martin whispers, and purposely knocks his glass of juice over to distract Courtney from my absence. Good, now he'll have a nice orange stain to go with the white milk stain. 

I walk over to James, and tap him on the back. 

~*~*~*~*~*

I'm trying to ignore the fact that Lily, what you might call my former crush, is walking in my general direction. 

"Don't worry," says Remus, "We don't know that she's heading for us."

"Yes we do," mutters Sirius as Lily taps me on the shoulder. 

"Hi guys," she says, well, brightly I guess. 

"Hey," says Sirius giving her a wink, "How's it going?"

"Oh, yeah, fine," Lily smiles. 

I try to glance discreetly in Courtney's direction again. Bertha is mopping up what looks like juice, and Courtney is freaking over her robes. 

"Um, can I talk to you?" Lily says. 

"Me?" I say. 

"Yeah you," Lily replies. 

Ok… this is weird. Lily hates me. She's friends with Sirius and Remus, but me? She thinks I'm like, well, I don't know what she thinks, but I think I'm probably as good as a dead slug to her. 

"Ok," I say, standing up. 

"Catcha round," grins Sirius. 

"Bye," Remus adds lamely. 

"C'ya," Lily says before leading me out of the hall. 

"So… how was the dance with Courtney?" Lily asks after we're about 100 metres from the hall. 

"It was," I pick my words carefully, "Good," I finish. 

"So, um, here's the three galleons I owe you," Lily holds out the money. 

"Um, no, it's alright, I was only kidding about the money thing," I say. 

"Look, it was a deal, so take it," Lily insists, giving me a piercing look with her green eyes. 

"No, I'm not going to," I insist, "I just want to thank you for making me take Courtney to the dance. I mean, before that, I never noticed her, but now you've made me realize there a lots of, um, nice people out there."

"Well, she's happy too," Lily adds uncertainly. 

"I just, well thanks, she's a nice girl," I say, pausing, before adding, "And tell her it was a nice dress."

Lily glares at me for a moment, and I turn away to escape her eyes. 

"I just wanted to say thanks for doing me this favour," Lily says in a forced sort of voice, "And that, um, I guess you're not so bad after all. I mean, you're still too cool for yourself sometimes, but it was nice to do this for me. Friends?"

"Friends," I look at Lily again. Her eyes have stopped blazing. 

"Um, tell Courtney that it was a nice dress," I say. 

Lily goes red in the face, and her eyes give me a cold look.

"It was my dress! She doesn't even have any dresses, so I had to prepare her! I did everything! I paid you! And what do you do? You kiss her!" Lily shouts at me. 

A sudden movement distracts me, and I see Courtney, in tears, running away from behind a pillar. Lily turns too, goes even redder in the face walks away, head held high. 

~*~*~*~*~*

Lily's diary 

My life is almost over. Courtney heard me talking to James, and now she won't talk to me. It's been a week, and I can't concentrate on anything. Everywhere I go I see Courtney and James. James just throws me a look and Courtney pretends I'm invisible.  What do I do? My life is so confusing. When I came to Hogwarts, I swore that these trivial love games would never distract me, and now I am caught in a tangle of friendship troubles. I think Bertha was right, I am jealous. Ok, that's just freaky. I think, oh, I don't know. I need to talk to someone about it. I know, I'll go talk to Martin. Or maybe Sirius or Remus. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"Hey Martin."

"Yep," Martin turns around. He's in the middle of attempting to wipe off the stains on his robes. 

"Um, do you have time to talk?" I say. 

"Sure. It's not like wiping stains off huge embarrassing stains is important," he grins. Very cute. 

I start telling him about how I asked James out to the dance for Courtney. 

Martin frowns, rubbing hard at his robes. 

"Give me that," I say, grabbing the cloth. I pull out my wand and make some soap. I pull, Martin a little closer and start rubbing at his robes. I tell him the whole story and somehow end up in tears. By the end of one hour, I'm crying into him with the cloth limply in my hand and Martin's arm around me. 

"It's alright. Ok, it's not, but it will be. James is just, well, a dickhead," Martin murmurs. 

"Yeah," I sniff, "That just about sums it up."

Martin pulls me off his shoulder, now wet with tears. "It's late, you should get some sleep," he says. 

"Yeah, sorry," I say. 

"S'alright," he grins, and walks me to the dormitory stairs. 

"Thanks," I say weakly. 

"What are friends for," Martin gives me a hug, "Night."

"Night," I say, and turn round and walk up the stairs feeling much better. 


	5. Sirius's crush

AN: sorry about all the spelling and grammatical errors in the last two chapters! I was so tired!

Review replies: 

violetangel89 – thanx 4 all da reviews. 

Pearls - Yes, I know it's all sentimental and stuff. thanx

Catherine24 – thanx. D'u think there's anything wrong name wit da name Courtney??

Tori-black – Wat's wrong wit da name Courtney? Isn't bertha even worse?

Wo Ai Ni16 – you gave me my first review! Thanx. I'm trying to make da chapters longer. Are they better yet?

~*~*~*~*~*

CHAPTER FIVE

_James' Diary - After the talk with Lily, I had to go explain everything to Courtney. She was annoyed for a while about the money issue, but was glad when I told her I never really took the money. I think she was mainly annoyed at Lily, which is understandable. I think I kind of asked her out. I didn't say those exact words, but well, I'm over Lily. She's so… I don't know, she has to object to everything, I just can't stand that kind of character. Anyway, she doesn't like me. She thinks I act like I'm too good for myself. Courtney is so, well, nice and stuff. Lily looks so depressed now. I don't think she really meant that whole 'friends' thing. She's just up herself and can't take it that I'm not stupid enough to chase after her anymore. _

It's around midnight, maybe a bit past, and I can't get to sleep, so I decide to go down to the common room to get a snack. Halfway down the staircase I hear some crying. Who stays up this late crying? Anyway, it seems serious, so I go down the stairs as quietly as I can. When I get to the bottom, I stay in the shadows and try to make out who the person is. It's not that hard. I'd recognise the bright red hair from anywhere. Lily is with some other guy, Mental Martin as we like to call him. She's practically causing a flood, and Martin's got his arm around her. I can't make out what they're saying though. I wait in the shadows for a bit. Then I decide I'm not really that hungry and turn to leave. I don't think either of them saw me. Who cares anyway, it's not like I care if they go snog each other. 

"James…"

"Dude, wake up…"

"Hey, hello…"

I open my eyes warily to find Sirius and Remus leaning over me. 

"What time is it?" I mutter blearily. 

"Not too early-"

"-and not too late."

"To do what?" I say, completely confused. 

"To walk Courtney to class like you've been doing for the past few days," they chorus together. 

"She's outside the dormitory waiting for you," Sirius shrugs as if anyone would have thought of it. 

"Been there since real early this morning," Remus adds unhelpfully. 

"Like every other morning," Sirius teases. 

"Tell her I'll be out in a minute," I say. 

I pull on my robes, run my fingers through my hair and dash out the door. Courtney is waiting a few metres from the door, dressed, well, nicely. I really need to expand on my vocab, I tell myself. 

"Hey," Courtney smiles. She's been smiling a lot lately. 

"Yeah, I'm ready to go, just need to get some breakfast though."

"I got you some," Courtney holds up a stack of toast in a napkin, "If you go down there now, there probably won't be anything left anyway."

God she's way too nice!

~*~*~*~*~*

"Hey, hello…?" Sirius is staring into space wit a dreamy expression on his face. 

"You look, kind of sick," Bertha says. 

"Speaking of sick, where is Peter? He's been in sick bay since forever," Martin says. At least his robes are clean now. Whoa, last night was just embarrassing. I think he and I are pretending that nothing happened. 

"Sirius… Sirius…" I say, waving my hand in front of his face. 

"Yeah, what?" Sirius finally says. 

"What's with you today? You're like so out of it," Bertha frowns. 

"I think-"

"Yeah?"

"-that maybe-"

"Yeah??"

"I like Shana," he finishes shyly. 

"Whoa, weird. Are you sure you're alright?" Martin replies.

"You've never had a crush on anyone before." 

Very true. Sirius, being the cute guy that he is, has always had girls chasing after him, but he's never seemed interested in anyone. It's James who's always chased after girls, namely me. 

"Who's Shana?" Martin asks.

Where has this guy been living? Under a rock?

"Shana's only like the prettiest, most popular girl in the year below us," I say impatiently, "But everyone knows her. Even the first years like her."

"Ew. What house is she in?"

"Slytherin."

"What?!?"

"Yeah, but she's actually really nice. Her parents were Slytherins, but she was adopted by muggles when she was two. But the blood runs in her family for generations, so even though she's really nice and stuff, she had no chance at any other house," Bertha explains knowledgably, "Well, there's the bell, better get to potions."

_Martin: This is sooo boring!_

_Me: Yeah. _

_Martin: I can't believe Bertha took potions instead of magical care of creatures with us._

_Me: Yeah._

_Martin: Stop it will you?_

_Me: Yeah…hehe!_

_Martin: So um…What does Shana look like?_

_Me: Oh, she's… pretty. _

_Martin: I know a lot of pretty people. That description is a little vague don't you think?_

_Me: Alright then. Short-ish, tanned skin. Um, really shiny wavy honey hair with light brown streaks. Nice green eyes with long lashes. She's just pretty ok? I'll point her out to you the next time I see her, ok?_

_Martin: Ok. She doesn't sound that pretty. I mean, you have nice green eyes. _

_Me: Yeah but her's are soft green. _

_Martin: I like electric green. _

_Me: Uh, thank you. _

_Martin: Look, about last night-_

_Me: I'm sorry, that was random. I think I was delirious. _

_Martin: No, it's ok. _

_Me: Sure…_

_Martin: I really don't mind, well, that is apart from the drool all over my robes. _

_Me: Shut up! I don't drool!_

_Martin: Well, I didn't get much sleep after that because Remus came and confided in me…_

_Me: Really? What did he say?_

_Martin: Not a lot. _

_Me: C'mon…_

_Martin: Well, I think he likes you. _

_Me: What? I think you've got it wrong. He and I are just friends. _

_Martin: I think it's you who's got it wrong. Don't you get it? He never knows what to say around you, he's always avoiding you. He likes you. _

_Me: Why are you telling me all this? I'm confused enough without all this stuff. _

_Martin: Sorry, I just don't want to keep things behind your back. _

_Me: Why are you being so… honest?_

_Martin: I'm not. Well, I am…_

_Me: Well, thanks anyway. This is sentimental, but you're a really good friend. _

_Martin: Um, thanks. _

_Me: I think what we're supposed to be listening to is important. _

_Martin: Yeah, I think so too. But before we stop, do you like James?_

_Me: Nah, he's a dickhead. It's just Courtney that I'm worried about. _

_Martin: Good. _

"Martin, Martin!"

"Yeah?"

"There she is!"

"Who? Shana?"

"Yeah…"

"Which one?" Martin peers at the crowd of Slytherins. 

"That one," I point at the pretty blonde surrounded by her admirers and friends. 

Martin stands on tiptoe to get a better look. 

"Oh, she's not that pretty," Martin says on the way to the hall, "She's so average. Typical blonde hair big boobs."

"Uh huh…" I say. What is wrong with Martin? She's so pretty. "She blends a little more than my red hair and electric eyes."

"I think they give you character," Martin punches me playfully in the arm. 

"Ow! That hurt!" I whine comically. 

I laugh and look at Martin. He's a little taller than me, brown hair, amazing dark blue eyes. He catches me in his stare. I shift uncomfortably on the spot. 

"What?" I say. 

"Nothing," he says as he looks away. 

I think there was something in that nothing. 


	6. Who loves who!

AN: sorry, I don't have the time to answer to all the reviews individually, so I'm answering them in general. Sorry about going too fast, ill try to slow it down. It's just that I have all these ideas, and I want to get them all out at once. I'll try to do more L/J action, but it's hard since they're kinda at a break at the moment. Thank you so much for the reviews. Da changes in point of view is wen u see the "~*~*~*~*~*" so you know that if it was lily b4, then it changes to james, and vice versa (I only do point of view for L/J) I'll type the next chapter when I get… hmn… 35 reviews, ok? That's only 13 more I think. And about lily ending up with james… well, you'll just have to read and see, won't you?! Have fun!

CHAPTER SIX

"Your assigned groups are on the notice board. I expect all members of each group to cooperate and put in their biggest effort. Reports are due in two week's time. Class dismissed."

The class races towards the notice board to find out their groups. 

"Aw, we're not together," I hear Courtney whine, no doubt to James. 

I finally manage to squeeze my way into the mob of annoyed students. I scan the list for my name. God no. I'm in group 3. With James. 

"Lily!"

I turn to find Martin behind me. 

"Oh, hi," I say, pausing for him to catch up. 

"Hi."

"Um, I already said hi."

"Um… the next Hogsmeade trip is this weekend," Martin says. 

"Um, yeah."

"So I was wondering, if you, um wanted you to go with me," Martin blushes and looks at his feet. 

"Oh, I, um…"

"Well, I…"

"I don't know…" I try to think of a good excuse, "I have a lot of work to do."

"Oh, ok."

"Sorry."

"No, it's fine."

"Sorry."

"No, s'alright."

Martin turns and walks away, deflated by an invisible sledgehammer. 

"Where's my diary?" Bertha says. 

"Huh?"

"I can't find it!"

"Look for it tomorrow," I say. 

"I'm going down to the common room to look for it."

"Ok."

I slump onto my bed, exhausted. Something stabs me in the back. I roll over to find Bertha's diary corner jabbing up at me. It's open, and her messy writing is scrawled across the page. I move to close the diary, but the word 'Sirius' catches my eye. I know I shouldn't, but I look down and start reading. 

He is so cute. I can't believe Shana's going to get him. Out of all the people he could choose from! Shana! He's so gorgeously cute! Sirius forever!

Now what do I do? I debate with myself for a while. 

_'Just tell her. She's your friend.' _

_'But you read her diary.' _

_'Honesty makes up a good friendship. She'll understand.' _

_'But if she finds out that you know she likes Sirius, she'll be so annoyed!' _

_'But she'll get over it.'_

Go away, I tell the voices. I'll just pretend I never accidentally read her diary, and I'll just give it back. I make my way down to the common room, but halfway down the stairs I stop. 

"-and she said no just like that!" I hear Martin yell. 

"I'm sure Lily really is busy," Bertha says. 

"You don't know what it's like! I've had to be just her friend for so long, it's irritating! I don't want her to see me as just a friend anymore!"

"Martin, calm down…"

"Four years! I've had to be a good friend for four years! I can't stop thinking about her! It's not fair!"

I don't need to hear any more of this conversation. I walk back up to my dormitory, place Bertha's diary in the middle of her bad, and collapse onto my bed. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"James?"

"Yep?"

"Do you love me?"

I'm completely caught by surprise. 

"Courtney, um…"

"Sorry," Courtney lowers her head. 

I hate to see her upset. I reach out and tip her chin back up at me. 

"I like you a lot," I say. 

Courtney smiles. 

"The next Hogsmeade trip is this weekend," I say, "So, do you want to go with me?"

Courtney hugs me," Of course I do."

Then, after pausing, she asks, "Do you like me more than Lily?"

I know the answer to this one. 

"Of course I do."

~*~*~*~*~*

Lily's diary 

_Whenever I'm confused about my life, I try to go and fix someone else's problems. It makes me feel better. At the moment, I don't think I would be able to find anyone else with worse problems than me. Still, no harm in trying to take my mind off my disastrous situation. I think I'll go talk to Sirius.  _

"Sirius."

"Hey. What's up?"

"Oh not much. How's it going with Shana?"

"It's not going."

"And why's that?"

"I tried to talk to her, but she pretty much completely ignored me."

"Oh."

"I don't know how to get her attention. It was always so easy to get other girls' attention, but Shana's a tough one."

"Need any help?"

"Do you know her?"

"Yeah."

"Like personally?"

"Kind of. I talked to her once."

"It doesn't sound like you're any further than me," Sirius says, unconvinced. 

"I played quidditch against her once," I say unhelpfully. 

"She good?"

"Oh, alright I guess. Not bad."

"You can help if you want to. Look what you did for Courtney and James."

I pause hesitantly. 

"Sorry," Sirius grins, "Sorry, that was really tight of me to say that."

"It's ok," I say, "Wait. How do you know?"

Sirius looks at the ground. 

"C'mon Lily. He's liked you ever since first year and now he's with Courtney. It's a bit hard not for everyone to know."

I think for a moment. He is right. 

"Ok, whatever, I don't care. Hey, um… you know Bertha?" I try to pick my words carefully, something that I'm not really much good at. 

"Yeah."

"She in any of your classes?"

"A few. Why?"

"Oh, nothing. Just wondering." I guess I shouldn't push too deep on this subject. 

~*~*~*~*~*

**!QUIDDITCH GAME!**

**GRYFFINDOR VS SLYTHERIN**

**Come see an exciting game between Gryffindor and Slytherin next weekend! Come one, come all! Cheer us on (the Gryffindors). Watch us kick the Slytherins' butts! You can place your bets in the common room each night. Go Gryffindors!**

**Winning team members: James, Sirius, Lily, Boberta, Miriam, Chris, Ri**


	7. Sirius and the Unhit Bludger

CHAPTER SEVEN

AN: I can't be bothered to wait for reviews, but I still want them, so review, review! I hope this chapter slows down a bit. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"I know we can beat them," James looks confidently at the team, "C'mon, lets go."

We file out, each with our brooms over our shoulders. 

We are met with an ear splitting applause. Most of the crowd is clad in red, and are waving red banners. I glance at the stands. Martin and Bertha are waving a banner with the flashing names of the teams' members on it. Courtney gives James a soppy smile from the grandstand. Sick. 

The Slytherin team enters the stadium, and a small green minority within the rowdy crowd cheers, while the rest boo our opponents. 

"Captains, shake hands."

James leans across to take Laura's hand. It's funny how haughty obnoxious people seem ugly. It's like they give off some sort of ugly aura that affects how they look. Laura glares at James through dark squinty eyes from under her spiky hair covering her face. It's not that I have anything against spiky hair, its just that… well, yeah, I have a thing against it. 

"Mount your brooms."

I nudge Sirius, who doesn't seem to have noticed that we're supposed to be getting onto our brooms. He's staring at the Slytherin seeker, Shana. Her hair is pulled back into a cute ponytail streaked with green glitter. 

"Sirius, back to earth please," I poke Sirius. 

He shakes himself, grins embarrassedly at me and mounts his broom. 

"Three, two-"

We kick off as the balls are released. Miriam, Chris and I fly into our usual arrow formation, and manage to push through our defenders to score. 

"Miriam passes to Lily who passes to Chris in the middle. Chris passes to Miriam, then to Lily again at the side. She dodges a bludger, passes to Chris who passes back to Lily still off centre, and – SCORES!"

The Slytherin supporters moan amongst the loud cheering from Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. 

"The Slytherins chasers take a line formation, with Georgie at the front. Georgie passes to David, and David gets ready to – ouch! He's met face to face with a bludger hit by Sirius from Gryffindor, and looses the quaffle."

Ri circles above, searching for the snitch. She wears glasses, and isn't very good at playing her position. 

"Boberta sends another bludger at the Slytherins, breaking their line formation. Miriam takes the quaffle, passes to Chris who is scratched by a slow bludger. He passes to Lily, who passes back to Chris, and he SCORES! Twenty zero to Gryffindor."

The game continues for another three quarters of an hour, in which we score another eighty points, making our total one hundred to 50 from Slytherin. 

"I'm tired," Miriam moans as we take a time out. 

"Ri, get that snitch," Chris flops onto the ground, "My back is hurting."

"Yeah, us too," Sirius and Boberta say, "Our arms hurt."

James looks at our unhappy team. "Lily, how are you."

"I'm… I've been worse," I say. 

"Guys, we have two choices," James says, "We can keep Slytherin from scoring, take another 110 points ourselves and let Slytherin get the snitch to end the game with us more than 150 points ahead, which I'm adding aren't spectacular chances, or we can get one team member to catch the darn snitch and end the game in 2 seconds as opposed to 2 hours!"

Ri cringes in humiliation. 

"Yes, that's right Ri, we might need you to catch the snitch," James says sarcastically. 

"I'm sorry," Ri mumbles, looking at the ground. 

"Lily, leave Miriam and Chris to score, and circle with Ri to look for the snitch," James orders me. I nod. He's right, if we don't end this games soon, we'll all be exhausted. 

"End of time out!"

We kick off again into the fast cooling air. I circle with Ri above the game.

"Is it really true?" Ri asks. 

"What?" I say irritated. 

"That James isn't chasing after you anymore."

"Ri, this really isn't the time to talk about this. We're in the middle of a game, so please try to concentrate," I mutter, squinting into the sunset to search for the snitch. 

Ri and I circle for a few minutes while the night approaches fast. 

"Lily?"

"What?"

"I was wondering…"

"Stop it!"

"But-"

"Ri, snitch!" I point at a golden speck reflecting the red rays of sunset. 

Ri darts for the snitch but Shana's already seen it and is speeding to it twice at fast as Ri's crappy broom can go. I see Sirius near the snitch. 

"SIRIUS!" I bellow. 

He turns around. 

I point to the snitch. "HIT A BLUDGER AT SHANA!" I yell.

He looks petrified. What's wrong with him? He's a beater for god's sake!

"IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO SLOW HER DOWN. HIT THE BLOODY BLUDGER!"

He hesitates for a second, but a second is all the Shana need to grasp the snitch in her fingers. She pulls out of her dive gracefully, and raises her fist in triumph, while Ri struggles to pull out of the dive, and ends up crashing to the pitch below. 

"Slytherin take the victory," the commentator announces warily. 

Our team floats back down to ground. James has gone mad at Ri. 

"I was trying, but I couldn't go any faster," she wails through tears, "Shana was too fast."

James rounds on the beaters. "WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST HIT A BLUDGER AT SHANA THEN?!" he yells. 

Sirius looks shamefully at the ground. 

"SIRIUS!?!" James bellows at the sunken figure of Sirius. 

"GOD." James cries in frustration as our team drags itself into the change rooms. 

We all undress in silence. 

"Lily, Miriam, Chris, Boberta, you played well," James says half heartedly, "But SOME of us may need to consider resigning," he says pointedly at Sirius and Ri. 

"It's not their fault," I say, feeling sorry for Ri, "it's my fault. If I had seen the snitch quicker then Ri would've gotten to it before Shana and Sirius wouldn't have needed to hit the bludger."

"I don't need you to stick up for me!" Ri yells and storms out of the change rooms. 

"I never said it wasn't your fault," James points out before leaving. 

I look at the ground, tears welling in my eyes. 

"Don't worry Lily," Miriam says turning to leave. 

"Yeah, James is just in a bad mood," Chris mutters before following Miriam out of the change rooms. 

I'm about to leave too, when I remember Sirius. He's sitting at the entrance to the stadium, shoulders drooping. 

"Sirius?"

Grunt. Great reply. 

"Are you ok?" I approach him cautiously. 

"Yep," he says shortly.

"I don't think so," I say. 

He turns to face me. "Why didn't I just hit the stupid bludger? It would've saved the whole game."

"Shana's a good flier, she might have dodged it and gotten the snitch anyway," I reason. 

"It's still my fault," Sirius mutters, "She probably thinks I'm even more of an idiot now."

"You couldn't help it," I say, pulling him up, "C'mon, I know you're hungry," I say. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"James, over here," Courtney calls. 

I walk over to her reluctantly. 

"Hi! You played great!" Courtney smiles. 

Who is this girl? She's smiling when we obviously just lost against Slytherin. 

"Are you ok?" Courtney frowns.

"Do you think I'm ok after losing to Slytherin?" I yell.

Courtney cringes. "It's just a game," she whispers. 

"A GAME?? A GAME??" I yell. Where has this girl been living? Quidditch isn't just a game!

"It doesn't matter, you're out of the season, it was only the first round," Courtney says. 

I'm exasperated! Doesn't this girl understand? Doesn't she get what it's like to play quidditch? Lily and Sirius walk out of the change rooms, both looking crushed and exhausted. 

"See them? That's how you should look, not happy! Don't you understand? It's quidditch Courtney! Don't you get it??" I point at Lily and Sirius. 

Courtney looks wounded. "Maybe if Lily understands everything you should get with her then," Courtney turns and walks off, tears rolling down her fair face. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"Sirius? Are you ok?" Bertha asks at dinner. 

Poor guy, having the whole team blame him for our loss, and what for? Just for Shana. 

"Just leave him alone," I say to Bertha, "He needs some time to reflect."

"You sound like counsellor," Bertha giggles. 

"Well, I have no idea what I sound like because my eardrums have been permanently damaged from James' yelling. Speaking of which, where is he?" I look up and down the table for him. 

"Um, Lily, aren't you angry at him?" 

"No. He can do whatever he wants to do. Why would I be angry? There he is."

James is sitting by himself, trying to look as unnoticeable as possible. He's staring at the bewitched ceiling, and subconsciously poking at his mash potato with his soupspoon. 

"Where's Courtney," I wonder out loud. 

"Since when have you cared?" 

"Since never, but it's just that there hasn't been a day when they aren't together, so it's just a bit weird," I mutter. 

"Lily?"

"Hmn?"

"Are you happy?"

"Happy with what?"

"Just everything in general."

"What is this? Random question time?"

We sit in silence for a while, eating our pudding. I look at the Slytherin table. Shana is happily talking to her group of friends. They all lean towards Shana. It looks like they're secretly debating something. Then Shana stands up confidently and glides between the tables. She's heading in our direction. Towards Sirius. I think I better get Sirius' face out of his ice cream bowl. 

~*~*~*~*~*

PREVIEW FOR NEXT CHAPTER

Bertha is tricked, Remus looks for Lily, and Peter comes out of hospital wing (finally)! Sirius and Shana. Shana wants to speak to Sirius, but will Sirius make a fool of himself? Or will he manage to get the ice cream off his face? Lily and Martin. Will Lily confront Martin? What do you think? James and Courtney. Do you want James to repair the relationship or do you want him to leave it? Reviewers, take your say in what happens next!


	8. A trip to hospital wing

CHAPTER EIGHT

"Martin, hey, Martin!"

Martin stops and turns around slowly. 

"Yeah, you, I'm talking to you," I say. 

"Hi Lily," Martin says in a dispirited voice, before turning to go. 

"I'm not finished! Hey, come back here."

"Yes?"

"Look, I… I'm not so busy, do you still want to go to Hogsmeade this weekend?" I ask. 

Martin looks dumbstruck. He blinks twice, before answering slowly. 

"I… you don't have to…"

It's time to be brutally honest. 

"Look, I heard you and Bertha talking," Martin flinches, "and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop. But why didn't you just tell me? What were you afraid of?" Martin looks at the ground, "You never know until you ask, do you?" I trail off miserably, "Oh, never mind, I'll just go now," I turn to go. At least I tried. I start walking away. 

"Lily!"

 I pause. 

"Do you want to come on a date with me to Hogsmeade?"

I turn to see Martin red in the face. 

"Sure, why not?" I say. (AN: I'm dedicating this line to Ali, oh, and thanks to all my reviewers and readers!)

~*~*~*~*~*

James' Diary 

_Since most readers don't seem to want me to make up with Courtney, I think I shall take their advice. I will now proceed to avoid her under any controllable circumstances. However, I cannot promise to keep away from Courtney due to circumstances beyond the extent of my control. I wish a happy reading to my prized viewers. _

"Lily," I call. 

Lily turns around. We're in a crowded corridor and, unfortunately, going against the crowd. 

"Sorry, can't hear you properly, come into this room," Lily calls back at me, and disappears into an empty classroom. I push my way towards the other side of the corridor and follow her. 

"Sorry, what were you saying? And if it's about the quidditch match, I have no time for it," she says. 

"Um, ok," I say. She's so off putting sometimes. So defiant. In the good way. "It's not about quidditch, well, it partly is. Don't leave, just listen, I promise I won't start yelling. Um, I would really appreciate it if you helped Ri with her, um, seeking skills. She seems to lack in, um," quick, think of an educated-sounding sentence, "lack in broom to eye co ordination," that was so lame, wasn't it?

"Um, ok, I'll do what I can," Lily says smiling. 

Relief washes over me. Everything is back to how it used to be. I move closer to Lily. 

"And also, about the assignment, I was wondering whether maybe this weekend we could-"

"Sorry, I'm going to Hogsmeade with Martin this weekend," Lily cuts in. 

"Lily, I-" I take another step closer, "I just wanted to say-"

Suddenly the door opens, and Martin comes in. 

"I have to go," Lily says, walking to the door. Martin takes her hand and they walk out together. 

I lean against the wall and bang my head on it. Everything back to normal… bullsh*t, I tell myself. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"What was that all about?" Martin asks me, sliding his arm around my waist. 

"Assignment, and quidditch," I answer. 

"He wasn't giving you a hard time, was he? Because if he was-"

"I'm fine. Don't worry," I cut in. 

I look up at Martin. He's so funny when he's annoyed. He looks down at me and relaxes into a smile. 

"Well, alright then, night. I'll wait for you tomorrow morning at eight-thirty, ok?"

"Yep," I reply, as I climb the stairs to the dormitory, all the while smiling to myself. 

There's a huge cliff in front of me. The rain tears at my hair and the wind wills me to go further out towards the cliff. I crawl forward slowly. I see two pairs of hands hanging from the cliff. I run to the edge and see Martin and James each hanging for their lives. "Martin! James!" "You can only save one," a deep voice booms, "Only one," the voice gets a little higher pitched, "Only one… only one,"

"-only one," Bertha's voice says. 

I open my eyes. Bertha is leaning over me with a worried look on her face. 

"Pardon?" I manage to say. 

"I said 'you're the only one still asleep'," she says, "I think you have a fever," she puts a hand to my head. 

"No I don't," I sit bolt upright, but regret it immediately as I'm hit by an enormous headache. I wince and lie back down. 

"I can't be sick," I cough, "I promised Martin."

Bertha chuckles, "Martin can wait."

"What time is it?" I ask, closing my eyes. 

"Nine-thirty," Bertha replies, then adds, "Don't worry, we've already told Martin. C'mon now, we'd better get you to hospital wing."

After what seems like a century, I manage to drag myself down the stairs with Berth's help. I sit panting at the bottom. 

"At this rate you're going to get down to the hospital wing by dinnertime," Bertha moans. "I know, Martin can carry you."

"What? No," I say weakly, but she's not listening and has already gone off to find Martin. 

A few minutes later she comes back with someone. I force myself to look upward. 

"You're not Martin," I murmur at the fuzzy figure. 

"I couldn't find Martin, but I found James," Bertha explains brightly. 

James bends down and lifts me up with his arms under my legs and arms. He grabs my dangling arm and puts it around his neck. He starts walking towards the portrait hole, when the portrait swings open, and Martin climbs in. He stares at Bertha, who looks guiltily back at him, then at myself, draped in James' arms. I try to speak, but none of my muscles seem to work. James ignores Martin and simply climbs out the portrait hole, with Bertha and Martin following behind, whispering in angry voices. I try to focus, but everything seems a blur. The last thing I remember is seeing a pair of brown eyes. 

"Lily Evans, what is your final decision?" "I don't want to choose!" 

_"But you must."_

_"No I don't!"_

_"Choose, or both will die!"_

_"Noooo!"_

_"Lily… Lily…"_

"Lily… are you awake?"

I open my eyes slowly. That's strange. There are two amazing dark blue orbs spinning above me. The orbs are swirled with different shades of blue, and I can see my reflection in them. A small black round opening in the middle of each orb beckons me closer, trying to draw me within. I blink. Colours and images swim into view. I blink again. Martin is leaning over me, his blue eyes staring unblinkingly at me. 

"Lily, are you ok?" he says. 

"Um, yeah, where am I?" I try to sit up, but a cracking sound erupts from inside my head, and I lie back down again. 

"You've been in hospital wing for a week," Martin explains. 

"When can I leave?" I ask. 

"Not anytime too soon," Martin answers, "Anyway, I don't have time to talk, I have to get to class. I wagged a bit to come here and see you, and so did they," Martin points to Sirius, Remus and Shana who I hadn't noticed before. 

"Hey Lily," they say softly. 

I try to smile. 

"C'mon, we have to go," Martin pushes them off my bed and out of the room before kissing me lightly on my cheek, "We'll be back later."

"Bye," I whisper. 

"Lily? Is that you?" mutters a hoarse voice. 

I pause. I know that voice. I turn my head to face the bed next to me. 

"Peter?"

"Yeah, it's me," he smiles weakly. 

"What have you been doing here for so long?" I ask. 

"Not a lot," he says, "So, here to update me on the outside world?"

"Nah, I… um, actually, I don't even know why I'm here," I stutter. 

"I do," Peter says, "I saw James carry you in last week."

I blush. 

"Is he still chasing after you?" Peter obviously has no idea how out of touch he is. 

"Let me update you on the latest news," I answer. 

~*~*~*~*~*

COMING UP…

Lily tells Peter about Sirius and Shana. Remus visits with flowers for Lily, and James pushes Lily a little too far. 


	9. Peter catches up on gossip

CHAPTER NINE

AN: thanx 2 all my reviewers, here are some replies. And also id appreciate it if u read my other story if u have time 

Fozen-petal –j'aime bien aussi! Hehe!

LilynjamesAAF – yes, im updating as quick as I can. 

Chloe – voila, new chap!

Littlespeedy225 – thanx heaps

Brandonlovr – thanx 4 all da reviews 

Caitlin – I'm getting there, just be patient. 

Disco Turkey Boy – keep reviewing! (or ill kill you, mwahahahaha!)

Brittany – im not waiting for reviews nemore! Well, I am, but im not depending on them as to wen my next chap comes

Ali – the more reviews da betta!

Yael M. – my hands are sore from writing.

Talia – how was da quidditch match?

Meg harts – love… strange thing

Nina – thanx a lot!

Now my internet is screwing up, so I can't reply to nemore reviews! Thanx everyone!

~*~*~*~*~*

It's funny, I'm in hospital wing, but I'm having a great conversation with Peter and I don't feel sick at all. 

"Well? What happened with Sirius and Shana? How did they get together?" Peter asks urgently. He loves gossip. I know, weird for a guy. 

"Well, it was after the quidditch match that we lost to Slytherin," I begin. 

"Lost?¿?" Peter says in surprise. 

"Yeah, Sirius was so smitten with Shana, he couldn't bear to hit a bludger at her," I explain. 

"Isn't that sweet?" Peter says grinning. 

"We were in the hall and Sirius had collapsed from embarrassment into his ice cream bowl…"

"Sirius! Hey, oi! Shana's coming this way!" I poked Sirius in the arm. 

_"What?! Hide me!" Sirius scrambled to hide under the table. _

_"Don't be stupid!" Bertha said, pulling him up, "This is a great chance to talk to her."_

_Shana walked casually down the table, a hundred admiring glances were thrown in her direction. She stopped where we were sitting. _

_"Hey Lily! Great game," Shana smiled at me. _

_"Yeah, you too," I said. _

_"So, um, Sirius, can I talk to you?"_

_Sirius threw me a look of annoyance, stood up, and followed Shana out of the hall, with almost every eye on the two of them. Bertha and I followed shortly after to keep an eye on Sirius. We arrived at a garden, just out of earshot of them. I performed an eavesdropping charm on Bertha and myself. _

_"So…" Shana said. _

_"You f-flew well," Sirius stuttered. _

_"Um, thank you, you too," Shana said. _

_An awkward silence. _

"Oh, come on Lily, hurry up, you don't need to tell me about the awkward silences!" Peter interrupts. 

_"Why didn't you hit the bludger at me?" Shana asked after a long pause. _

_"I…" Sirius was lost for words. _

_"I mean, you would've won if you had. Didn't your captain go crazy at you for not moving?" _

_"Well, yeah, he was going insane at me, actually, at everyone!" Sirius laughed nervously, "I just, I… um…"_

_There was another silence. Bertha and I could practically hear Sirius' heart beating, the insects moving, the wind blowing, Shana's feet shuffle-_

"Lily! Stop it! The suspense is killing me!" Peter moans. 

"Sorry, it's just funny to annoy you!" I continue with my story. 

"I like you. I thought I'd told you this before. I love your hair, your smile, eyes, everything. I can't help it. I was in a trance…" Sirius trails of miserably. 

_"Oh," Shana says, taken back a little, "I didn't think you were serious. I thought… I don't know, I thought you were just playing me. I didn't think you meant it. I guess… I don't know. I'm sorry?"_

_I can just imagine Sirius' grin here, but I don't know because I couldn't actually see him. _

_"Well, you can stop being sorry if you go out with me," Sirius teases. _

_"Well, I don't know about that… the ice cream is pretty cute!" Shana teases back. I can just imagine Sirius' expression as Shana wiped the ice cream off his face. How cute!_

_And this is the part where presumably they kissed, but as I said, I couldn't see them. _

Peter is laughing his head off. 

"Geez, that is so… all lovey-dovey and stuff!"

"So there you go. My wonderful recount of Sirius and Shana together for the first time. Mind you, Bertha and I imitated Sirius back in the common room, and he would've been quite angry if he hadn't have been in a daze," I say. 

"What about you and Martin?" Peter leans so far forward that he'd fall out of bed if he moved another millimetre. 

I'm about to start explaining my complicated life when someone comes in. It's James. Dear God, if you're really there, this would be a good time to save me. 

"Hi Lily," James says. 

I take a quick look at Peter. He's pretending to be asleep. Eavesdropper!

"Um, hi," I say. 

"How are you?"

"I've been worse," I reply. 

James gives me a melting smile. 

"I carried you down here the other night."

"I know. I'm sorry, Bertha was just-"

"Don't be sorry."

"Ok then…"

"I broke up with Courtney."

Peter makes choking sounds, no doubt stifling a laugh. 

"Is he alright?" James looks at the huddled figure of Peter. 

"Don't worry, he always chokes when he's sleeping," I say sarcastically, dropping Peter a hint. 

"Lily, tell me honestly, were you jealous when I went to the dance with Courtney?" James looks serious. 

"No. Yes… a bit… look, I don't know!" I say. "Do you mind? I'm in hospital wing, and you're just making me more sick and confused!"

"Lily, will you-"

"James, I can't. I'm with Martin."

"Martin!" James mutters under his breath. 

"Don't you talk about him like that! Get out!" I yell. 

The nurse bustles in with an angry look on her face. 

"This is a hospital wing, my patients need rest. Please leave young man," she orders. 

James trudges towards the door and gives me once last glance before leaving. 

I hear a spluttering sound from next to me. I look across at Peter. He has a fist stuffed in his mouth to stifle his laughing. 

"Shut up! It's not funny!" I say. 

"It so is! He's like… jealous!" 

"He is not. He's a dickhead!" I say. "I'm going to sleep."

I close my eyes and pretend to fall asleep, but something keeps bugging me. The same dream as I've had for the past few sleeps as far as I can remember. 

"Lily! Help!" 

_I run to pull Martin up from the cliff. _

_"Lily!"_

_James' grip is sliding. I try to help him up, but I can't hold onto Martin at the same time. _

_"Lily, the time has come," says the haunting voice. _

_I let go of both of them and look at the sky. It's dark with rain clouds, but there are two beams of light peeping through. I wait a little longer. The beams get bigger and bigger. Two spinning orbs float down towards the sea below, one brown, one blue. The black centre of each orb is like a magnet pulling on everything around it. _

_"Lily, your decision?"_

"Hey, Lily! Lily, are you ok?"

I look up to see Remus bending over me with a worried expression on his face. 

"What? I…?"

"You were screaming something. I couldn't quite make it out though," Remus says. 

"Oh, nothing, just a bad dream," I say, trying to smile. 

"Are you getting better?"

"Actually, I still don't know what's actually wrong with me," I reply, slightly confused. Why does everyone seem to know what's going on, except me?

"Oh, ok, well, I brought you some flowers," Remus adds shyly, placing a bunch of daffodils on my bedside table. I guess he doesn't know I get hayfever. 

"Oh, thanks Remus," I smile. _He never knows what to say around you, he's always avoiding you. He likes you._ Martin's words drift into my head. 

"You'd better go, the nurse is quite strict," I say to Remus. 

"Alright, well, um, get better soon," Remus turns to Peter, "I guess you don't want flowers, but get better soon to you too," then he leaves. 

A few minutes later I burst into a sneezing fit. Peter is still very amused. 

"This is great free entertainment! I'm so glad you came to hospital wing!" Peter says. 

"Shut up!" I say through a handful of tissues. 

"Why didn't you just tell him you're allergic?"

"That's just mean!" I say. (AN: sorry, but I have to dedicate this line to Ali again!)

The nurse bustles in with more tissues and a bottle of hayfever medicine. 

"Take this," she shoves gross smelling liquid down my throat. "Hey, Mr Pettigrew, you can leave now."

Peter fakes moaning. "But my tummy really hurts still."

"Out! You have 10 mins to get your stuff," the nurse orders and leaves the room. 

"Well, I tried, but I can't stay," Peter shrugs. 

"It's ok, I think I'll survive, although it won't be nearly as much fun with you in here," I say. 

"Well, I'll see you when you get out!" Peter grabs his stuff and leaves, giving me a little wave at the door. Good, now I'm left to brood over my strange dreams. 


	10. Lily's choice

CHAPTER TEN Lily's Diary 

_I'm in hospital wing, and have been for 2 weeks now, but I still don't know what's actually wrong with me. It's been such a bore since Peter left - he was good company. I wish I could get back to classes. It's so silent, except of course for the occasional snoring coming from a bed in the corner of the room. I think I hear someone coming. _

Martin comes in with a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates. He smiles warmly at me. 

"Didn't wag to see me did you?" I ask. 

"Nup, I have all the time in the world now," Martin replies. 

I glance hesitantly at the flowers. "Um, Martin, I'm allergic to-"

"I know, that's why I put an anti-hayfever charm on them," Martin says. 

"Aw, thanks, that's really sweet," I say. 

"As sweet as Honeyduke's chocolate?" Martin unwraps a huge bar of my favourite fudge-cream'n'nut chocolate.  

I try to prop myself on my elbows to eat, but none of my muscles seem to be working. Martin pulls me into a sitting position and places a pillow behind me, before feeding a square of chocolate into my mouth. I chew slowly, and suddenly a thought comes to me. 

"Martin?"

"Yes?"

"Why am I in hospital wing? What's wrong with me?" I ask. 

"Maybe you should ask the nurse…"

"She won't tell me."

"I… I don't think I should be the one to tell you," Martin says carefully. 

"Please…" I plead. I look up at him with watering green eyes. 

"Oh, alright," Martin gives in, "You, well, it's kind of like catching a flu, you know how muggles do that?"

I nod. 

"Yeah, well, no one knows how a wizard or witch catches it. It just happens one day. There was an epidemic hundreds of years ago. The ministry thought they'd wiped it out. Basically this virus thing makes your dreams consume you. Your waking hours decrease, and your dreams take over you. Eventually you don't wake at all," Martin squeezes my hand as tears prick in his eyes. I'm still in shock. What he's said hasn't sunk in yet. 

"Lily, I don't want you to disappear," Martin's voice cracks. 

"Is… is it curable?" I manage to ask. 

"I don't know, your chances are fifty-fifty. They think they might be able to cure you, but they're not sure."

"They? They only person who's been treating me is the nurse." 

"Specialists. They put a monitoring chip in you when you came in."

"Oh," I'm struck by the thought that someone's been monitoring me without me even knowing. 

"They're like analysing your dreams and stuff."

"What?!" I can't believe it! 

"Yeah, freaky," Martin says, not understanding my concern. 

We sit in silence for a while, chewing on chocolate. Martin sits beside me with his arm around my shoulders, playing with my hair. I lean into him, wishing he could just make everything better. Suddenly the person in the corner of the room starts snoring. We burst into laughter. 

"How long are you going to stay?" I ask. 

"As long as it takes to count your freckles," Martin says. 

"How many are you up to now?" 

"Twenty-seven, twenty-eight," Martin kisses me twice on my cheek, "Twenty-nine…" He leans forward and kisses me on my mouth. I catch his blue eyes for a second, and then allow him to envelop me in his kiss. He slides his hand round my waist and pulls me into a more comfortable position in his lap, rather than having to stretch around from next to him. 

Tears roll down his face as he leaves my lips for a second to whisper, "Lily, I don't want to lose you…"

"I won't leave," I murmur, wiping the tears from his face. 

Martin pulls away from me and brushes my hair from my face. 

"God Lily, you're so damn beautiful," his eyes sweep across my face. Then he seems to come to his senses and pauses, "Sorry, I, um, if that was too fast…"

I close my eyes. "But don't stop."

Martin wraps me in his kiss again. Damn good kisser I might add. I allow myself to be lost in time and space. Everything about him is now perfect – his hair, his brilliant smile, his strong arms, his amazing blue eyes. (AN: Alison, I know wat ur thinking, so stop thinking it!)

The sound of and opening door brings me to my sense. I open my eyes for a second and see James framed in the doorway. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"James, hey!"

I turn around to see Courtney. 

"What?" I say. 

"Look, I'm really sorry about the way I acted after the quidditch game. I know it was really important to you," Courtney says as I stare at her overdone eyeliner in shock. She must be very desperate. 

"It's fine. Is that it?" I turn to leave. 

"James."

"What now?"

"I just… it's over, isn't it? It's Lily, isn't it?"

"Yes, well spotted," I say sardonically. (AN: I dedicate this line to Mel, if u read this at some stage)

Courtney breaks down in tears right in front of me. People walking by stare at us strangely. I pull Courtney into a room. 

"Get a grip. Your life isn't over," I say sternly, shaking her. 

Courtney wails even louder, shaking her head and allowing eyeliner to run freely from her face. This is stupid. I'm stuck in a room with a banshee. 

"I have to go, bye," I say. 

"Where are you going?" Courtney asks. 

"Even though it's none of your business, I'm going to the hospital wing," I say, leaving the room. A few metres from the room and I start to feel guilty. In the space of two minutes I have managed to make a girl cry her eyes out because of me. Well, it's really not my fault, I tell myself, it's Lily I want, not Courtney, so really I'm being fair. 

I make my way to the hospital wing. I practically have the whole conversation written in my head by the time I arrive. I take a deep breath and push open the door to meet Lily smothered in Martin. Shit. 

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: hey, sorry this is short. I don't have time to answer to all my reviewers, but thank you and keep reading! Review opinion time. And the hundred-dollar question is: what should james do?? Go back to Courtney maybe, get rid of martin, or climb into a hole and die of depression.  

Ps – tori, I will dedicate a line to you in the next chapter. I promise! JJJ


	11. James vs Martin

CHAPTER ELEVEN

AN: sorry, the story is starting to get all sentimental and stuff at this point. Anyways, replies to reviewers…

LilynjamesAAF: lovely dovely?? Id like to think so too. 

Marauder marion: thankyou. I will read ur story soon. 

Crazy starz: no, not really ne goss. Not ne that u would find interesting. Its usually about how my life is a tragedy ne ways. Where am I? Like at home maybe?!

Tori-black: if u don't remember much, reread it! I dedicated a line to you this time! Be proud!

Tinker: well, thank you for noticing! 

Sasha: I try to make them long, but it's a bit hard. I have all these I deas that im just trying to get outta my head all at once!

~*~*~*~*~*

Oh god, it's James! Martin senses that I've frozen. 

"Lily?" he whispers. 

"James," I breathe. 

Martin turns around to see James in the doorway staring at us. The room becomes very silent as I start pulling my hair out and feel very stressed. (AN: alison, dejavu?¿? this line is dedicated to Tori!)

"Lily," James mutters.

"James," Martin mutters. 

"Martin," James mutters. (AN: ok, enough with the muttering! Just making sure that we are aquainted with all the names.) 

"Get away from her," James snarls. (AN: I'm telling you, this is a scary snarl, worse than Mrs Tychsen! Sorry, for people who don't know me, this probably sounds really random.)

Martin doesn't move. James takes a few steps towards my bed. 

"I said, get your hands off Lily," James says. 

"Hi James, nice day isn't it?" Martin says cheerfully. 

"Scared to take me on are you?" James asks. 

"Why would I want to take you on?" Martin replies. 

James walks closer, rolling up his sleeves as he goes. 

"C'mon Martin, you're a strong guy, you wouldn't be scared of me," James says. 

"James, this is the hospital wing. Please, stop it," I interrupt. 

"The hospital wing's probably the best place to sort this out. That way when ickle Martin gets creamed, he won't have to be carried as far," James says. 

"James, what on earth is this about?" I cry. 

"Lily, stay out of this," Martin mutters in my ear. 

"What is this about?! This is about him taking you away from me," James yells. 

"Hey, I didn't take Lily. I didn't force her to do anything," Martin replies calmly. 

"What about Courtney?" I murmur. 

"Courtney?! It's over with Courtney," James yells. 

"Well whose problem is that?" Martin says. 

"Alright, outside!" James shouts, boiling with rage. 

"I'm not going anywhere," Martin stays on my bed. 

"Oh yes you are," James pulls Martin by the wrist. 

Martin stands up and crosses his arms across his chest. James lunges at Martin and punches him in the face. 

"Martin!" I scream. 

Martin puts James in a headlock, "James, get over it."

James thrashes about, and elbows Martin in the stomach. Martin releases his grip on James, and James pushes him to the ground, yelling like a madman. 

"Guys, stop!" I shout, but neither of them seems to hear me. 

The two of them thrash around on the ground for a while. I wish I could get up, but I still can't haul myself out of bed. Martin picks James up by the collar. 

"Jesus Christ, calm down!" he shouts. 

James pauses for a second, and Martin loosens his a grip slightly. We both think that maybe he's cooled off a little when unexpectedly he punches Martin across the face again. Martin falls backward onto my bed, blood running from his nose. 

"Oh god, Martin, are you ok?" I say. 

"Sorry Lily," he mutters, and then passes out. 

"Martin! James, I hate you!" I yell. Blood rushes to my head and everything swims out of focus. 

"I hate you…" I manage to mutter once more, before fading off back into dreams. 

"Lily? Your decision?" the voice drones continuously. 

I look over the cliff. The waters crash in a spray of white foam below me. Evil piranhas with pink polka dots bare their teeth at me. Pink polka dots??

"Don't worry, I'm going to get you both!" I cry, running for Martin first. 

I lean dangerously far over the cliff and grab his hand. 

"Don't worry, I've got you," I say. The wind cuts my lip and the rocks dig into my stomach as I pull as hard as I can. 

"Lily, don't let go," Martin cries. 

"I won't!" I reply as our hands start to slip. 

"Lily!" cries James' faint voice. 

"James!" I scream. 

"Help me!"

I'm caught in exasperation. Tears roll down my face and dirt cakes my skin. 

"Why?" I scream, "Why me?"

"Because you are the one," the droning voice booms. 

"What one?" I say, "What are you talking about?"

"Are you not Lily Evans?"

"Yes, I am, but so what?"

"Then you are the one."

"Go away!" I reach for Martin's hand again. 

"So you choose Martin?"

~*~*~*~*~*

James' Diary

Lily fainted back into her sleep as I punched Martin across the face. "I hate you, I hate you!" Her voice still rings in my head. What have I done? I've let that stupid Martin creeps take her. I just want to punch his face in. (Well, I did.) I just feel so bad now. Lily hates me. Lily hates me. Martin waits by her hospital bed every afternoon, hoping she will wake for him. God, I hate it! Why did I have to go out with Courtney? If I hadn't, everything would've been fine. Well, I'm not giving up now! 

"Hey James?" Sirius asks. 

"Yeah, what?" I say. 

"Why've you got bruises all over you?"

"Mind your own business."

"Hey, I'm like your best friend."

"Piss off," I retort. 

"It's about Lily, isn't it?"

"No."

"C'mon, it so is," Sirius pushes on. 

"Fine whatever," I say. 

"You know, you really should be nicer to her. She's sick at the moment."

"Nicer?? That's exactly what I'm trying to do! Anyways, anyone would be sick if they were with Martin!" 

"Dude, calm down." 

"I am calm!"

Sirius groans. 

"That's what they all say. Fine, if you don't want to tell me, I'll go find Remus and Peter. Peter came out of hospital wing a few weeks ago, and you haven't even talked to him yet. You really should you know. I don't know what's gotten into you lately-"

"SIRIUS, PISS OFF!"

"Alright, alright…"

~*~*~*~*~*

"Lily, Lily!" Martin's voice interrupts me. 

I open my eyes to the hospital wing. 

"How long have I been asleep?" I ask drearily. 

"Three weeks," Martin answers sadly. 

Martins face swims into focus. 

"Holy crap!" I say. Martin's face is covered in various cuts and bruises from his fight with James three weeks ago. 

"Don't worry, I'm fine," Martin insists, as I reach up to touch his face. 

"Oh god, I am so sorry," I whisper. 

"It's not your fault."

Martin helps me up into a sitting position. I almost die of shock when I see my face in the mirror across the room. My lips are cracked and my face is covered in dirt. Slowly, I reach down and pull my top up. There is a huge gash across my stomach. I look questioningly at Martin. 

"Those are all your injuries from your dream, aren't they?" he says quietly. 

I nod, and swallow. Neither of us knows what to say. He hugs me gently, and then reaches across to the bedside table for the basin of water that is sitting there. I sit in silence as Martin wipes my face with a warm towel. 

"How long am I going to be awake for?" I ask. 

He shrugs, tears in his eyes. I have never seen anyone so sad before. Martin puts down the cloth and touches my face. I wince when he brushes across a cut. He leans over and kisses my cheek, and then my lips, and he doesn't want to stop. 

A creaking of the door makes us both freeze. I half expect James to come running in again, but I smile when I see it's Bertha. 

"Hi Lily. Good, I finally caught you when you're awake," Bertha smiles and sees Martin hastily pull away from me. "Oh, sorry, am I interrupting?"

"No, I've got to go now anyway," Martin stands up and runs his hands through my hair before leaving. 

Bertha hustles across to me. "I have a secret to confide in you!" She squeals. I have a feeling I know what this secret is.  

COMING UP…

Well, I really have no idea what's coming up, so this is just a pointless part that I decided to put in. I just finished filling in my medical form (pointless info I'm giving you here, I know…). Bored, bored, bored. L School tomorrow L too many sad faces L J Oh, Alison, here's some pointless goss (pointless is now my new favourite word): yesterday Jake beat my at checkers on that msn game thingy (which Jake? Jake at school). Anyways, I'm going to stop writing pointless stuff. REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!

  
  



	12. Too Late to Apologise

CHAPTER TWELVE

James' Diary

I can't believe it. I can't believe what I did to Lily. I mean, she likes that Martin guy, so I should just let it go. And now she hates me. Sirius was right, I've been obsessing over this whole issue and forgetting about everyone else. But I can't help it! I wish I could just go back and apologise, but I doubt she'll listen. I've tried to beg Sirius to do it for me, but he refuses. Well, that's alright for him! He already has the girl he wants. I guess I could apologise to Martin first, but apologies really aren't my specialty. I'll figure it out somehow. In the meantime, I'll dig myself a grave and climb into it. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"Ok, Lily, prepare yourself. You'll probably die of shock, but I have to tell you anyway. Oh, like I was kidding when I said die, I wasn't like serious, 'cuz you know, what with you being sick at the moment, it was just-"

"Bertha, you're babbling," I say, trying to calm her down. 

"Oh, but it's, well, I don't know how to say this," Bertha babbles again. 

The voices in my head take over and drown out Bertha's babbling. 

'C'mon, just tell her.'

'Don't tell her! Just pretend you don't know anything.'

'She's so excited t the moment it's not like she'd get angry. Just say it.'

'Yeah, fine, and have Bertha hate you for the rest of your life.'

'Why should Lily listen to you?'

''Cuz you're fat and I'm not.'

'How is that relevant?'

'Ah, so you are admitting that you are fat?'

'I never said that!'

'You implied it.'

'So not.'

'So so.'

'Shut up!'

'Why should I? I have the ancient Egyptian family heirloom, which was bestowed upon me, not you, obviously indicating that I am more worthy.'

'That's completely irrelevant.'

'And I might add that I will not bestow it upon you when the time has come for me to pass it onto a worthy recipient.'

'Fine.'

'Fine.'

Fine, I think to myself. A good lot of help those voices were. 

"Bertha,"

"Hmn?"

"I have something to confess to you too."

"Ooooh, this is so exciting! We both have news!"

"Uh huh… Don't say anything until I've finished. That night, like ages ago, weeks ago, you were looking for your diary, so you went down to the common room to look for it, and I was really tired, so I just lay down on the bed, and then something poked me, well, not literally, but you know what I mean, and it was your diary that was attacking me, and it was open, like I didn't open it, swear to god, and the word Sirius caught my eye, and I read that sentence, or maybe that paragraph, and then I found out you have a crush on him, and I was going to tell you, but there were these voices, and I got so confused, and there were voices just then too, only they were babbling on about Egyptian heirlooms, I don't know why, and I figured that if I told you this that I'd probably have a clearer conscience," I pause to take a breath, "and-"

"Um, Lily, a: you're babbling, b: that was seriously the longest sentence I have heard in my entire life, and c: that Sirius thing was like so yesterday."

"Oh, ok…" I say, "So you don't mind that I read your diary?"

"Well, I mind a little, but then again, your babbling of Egyptian heirlooms does confirm that you are insane, therefore not in control of your actions and words," Bertha laughs. 

"Oh, so the Sirius thing isn't what you were going to tell me?" I ask. 

"Actually, what I was going to say is that Remus asked me out!"

Bertha smiles gleefully while I sit in shock. I thought Remus had a crush on me!

"Seriously?" I mutter. 

"Uh huh."

"Oh, ok," I say, still frowning. 

"Are you ok?" Bertha frowns at me. 

"What? Yeah, I'm fine," I say, still distracted, "I thought you said you had to confide in me."

"Yeah, this is a secret, no one knows, except you now."

"Oh, ok…"

"Ok, well, you'd better get some rest, so I'd better go now," Bertha smiles again, "But just so you know, I'm really happy! And I really like him… he was so cute and shy when he asked, I couldn't say no. Well, bye."

"Yeah, cool. Don't break his frail little heart! Congrats. Bye," I give Bertha a hug, "Thanks for coming to see me."

"No worries. Get better soon!"

~*~*~*~*~*

"Sirius, man, you got to help me!" I beg. 

"No can do," Sirius spoons some dessert onto Shana's plate for her.

"C'mon, all you got to do is walk in and say hi, and have a normal conversation with her. Then before you leave you just mention that I'm really sorry," I explain. 

"And why can't you do that yourself?"

"Why do you think? Maybe because she hates my guts at the moment!" I say, frustrated, "You're my best friend, why can't you just do this one thing for me?"

Sirius turns to face me. "It's because I'm your best friend that I'm not going to so this for you. If you really like her, and you're really sorry, you walk in there and tell her yourself."

"Sirius-"

"I'm going to go visit Lily, but I'm not telling her anything for you, ok? I'm just going because I'm her caring sharing friend."

"Right…"

"Have fun. Shana and I are going to go visit Lily now."

"Fine, bye," I mutter as Shana and Sirius walk towards the hall doors. 

"Also, it's usually easier to say things if you have cue cards," Sirius calls back at me.

"Gee, thanks mate," I call back at him, rolling my eyes. Now I'm going to proceed to climb slowly into my grave. 

1 hour later I manage to drag myself up to the Gryffindor common room. Only a few months ago there would be a sparkling laugh and shocking hair in here instead of the sunken figure of Sirius. Sirius?! 

"Sirius, what's up?" I say, walking over to him. His eyes are dull and grey and he looks like he's really trying not to cry. 

"I thought you were visiting Lily," I add. 

"Yeah, was…" Sirius mutters. 

"What happened?"

Sirius sighs. "James, she's not going to make it."

"What do you mean?" I say, my voice quivering. 

"James, she's not even awake, we don't even get to say good bye."

"What about the medical team?"

"There's nothing they can do James," Sirius' voice cracks. 

"Nothing they can do!?" I yell, running for the portrait and towards the hospital wing. I sprint past the armoured knights and the Bloody Baron and burst into the hospital wing. A team of medical wizards are quietly talking in a corner. 

"Lily!" I say, running to her bed. 

Her red hair is messy, her pale skin covered with sores and scratches, lips cracked and dry, her breath so weak it is hardly a breeze. 

"Lily!" I shake her, hoping she'll open her annoying green eyes. 

Her body moves limply in my arms. The medical wizards come over, grim expressions on their faces. 

"Young man, we have decided to lift the spell that we put on her to keep her breathing. This is too torturous for her. We will end it quickly and painlessly," an old wizard says in a completely emotionless voice. 

"Isn't there anything you can do?" I yell. 

The old man does not flinch. "You do not understand. She is wanting to return to her dreams. There is no way we can stop that. We are truly sorry. It will be quick. She will fade gradually until she is no more," the old man doesn't sound sorry at all. 

"No! That's not good enough!" I yell, lunging for Lily, but the medical team restrain me. I thrash around wildly as the old man mutters incantations. 

"Doctor C. Wartick. My work here is done," the old man addresses me and the school nurse, "She will fade in an hour or so."

Wartick and his team disapparate from the hospital wing, leaving behind only a bill. 

"Lily… shit, I love you," I bow my head as I cry for the first time in my life.  

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: it's been ages since I wrote my last chapter. Hope u like this chapter. Fret not, lily will not die… yet. Please review. I promise the story gets happier. 


	13. James' Last Sonnet

CHAPTER THIRTEEN (BY FAR THE LUCKIEST CHAPTER OF ALL)

AN: hey, I've only just realized I can't make lily die because she has to have Harry. I do tend to overlook these sorts of things when I use characters that aren't my own. There are also heaps of other mistakes, but just ignore them, just go with the flow, okkies? Here's my wonderful list of replies to my wonderful reviewers. 

LilynjamesAAF – that dream thing was partly my friend tori's idea (but I'll steal the credit 4 it anyway! Hehe!) I do try to be interesting… :)

Sky – yes, I do have a rather nasty habit of leaving my characters hanging

Ryan Fairchild – dying from suspense? So will you still be there to read this next chapter? Genius, hmn… I'm certainly flattered! :)

Haniyyah – oh, I am an evil person. I seem to be causing a lot of dying lately. 

Hart-break – sorry, the story does go a little fast sometimes. Reread it and it will all make sense, I promise you. 

Megan – ah… am I really causing everyone so much pain?

Shadowfox991 – I am adding as quick as I can (and trying not to be told to die by my reviewers)

Claire – thank you for loving my story, truly flattered. :)

Da-drama-queen – ok, first things first. Do not call me 'man' (I am a girl and calling me 'man' annoys me), secondly, keep reading!

Angelbud2233 – ah… you're good… you were close to what happens (Ooooh, very close), but read on. Argh, I love this sentimental crap about true love!

Tori – are you at 175 reviews yet?

Marion – have you updated yet?!

Alison – YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME A REVIEW! (well, at the moment I can't see that you've written a review for this story)

**ALL MY REVIEWERS, READ THIS REPLY!!! READ AND LEARN!**

a1s2d3f4 – you are by far the most critical reviewer and the best too. I do realize there are a lot of mistakes, I keep forgetting things that have already been set by J.K Rowling, but I will try to remember. James 'loves' lily? Funny word isn't it? They are just a little young for love at the moment. He went out with Courtney because he liked lily, but that made him realize how much he really did like her. Don't you feel special to be highlighted from within my list?

AND ALL YOU REVIEWERS, READ FICTION PRESS!!!!!!! (if you don't know what I'm talking about, read my bio)

~*~*~*~*~*

Everyone is sitting outside the hospital wing (Martin, Sirius, Shana, Remus, Bertha, Peter, the Gryffindor quidditch team and even Courtney), in uncomfortable silence, each of them waiting as the last minutes of Lily's life tick slowly by. They are all outside. Except me. I sit beside Lily's bed, hoping for some miracle, and then realizing that this is not a fairytale, this is reality, and in reality there are no miracles. Every so often soft sounds and cries escape from her lips, but I cannot make out what she is saying. I glance at the clock – fifteen minutes left… 

~*~*~*~*~*

_"So you choose Martin?"_

_"I don't know!" I scream. _

_"Do you choose James?"_

_"No!" I yell at the sky. _

_"If you do not choose James, then you choose Martin," the voice says. _

_I lean over the edge of the cliff for Martin. _

_"Lily," he gasps, "Be careful, save yourself."_

_"No, I'm not going to leave you," tears blur my vision as I feel Martin cling onto my arm. _

_"Lily," I hesitate as I hear James voice. My split second of hesitation causes Martin to slip from my grasp. I kneel up in frustration. The wind blows harder at me. _

_"CHOOSE!" the voice booms as lightening strikes the crumbling ground a few metres away. I collapse on the ground from exhaustion. I have no energy left to even lift myself from the ground. A sudden gust of wind blows me from the ground. _

_"Help!" I scream as I fall over the edge of the cliff in slow motion. Martin turns from his ledge in shock. James dives from his spot towards me. _

_"Liiilllyyy…" he calls in slow motion. _

_I glimpse down at the raging waters soon to hit me, a thousand icy knives starved for prey. _

_"The one has chosen to die," the voice murmurs. _

_I look back up. James is falling towards me still, and Martin slips from his crumbly hold on his ledge. I feel the frosty spray of water on my neck, and brace myself for the plunging darkness. In swim class they always told us that hitting the water was probably the most painful part. James tumbles to me, grabs me round my waist, pulls me onto his chest and prepares to take the tremendous smack of the water for me. _

_"All days are night to see till I see thee, __and nights bright days when dreams do show thee me," James breathes just before-_

~*~*~*~*~*

Suddenly I remember Lily's favourite sonnet from muggle studies. I lean close to Lily's ear. 

"Lily, do you remember three years ago when you told me your favourite sonnet, and I hated poetry? I remember memorizing it just for you, and I still remember it. Listen to me Lily, let me catch your heart before you leave:

**'**When most I wink, then do mine eyes best see,

For all the day they view things unrespected;

But when I sleep, in dreams they look on thee,

And, darkly bright, are bright in dark directed.

Then thou whose shadow shadows doth make bright,

How would thy shadow's form form happy show

To the clear day with thy much clearer light,

When to unseeing eyes thy shade shines so!

How would, I say, mine eyes be blessed made

By looking on thee in the living day,

When in dead night thy fair imperfect shade

Through heavy sleep on sightless us doth stay!

All days are night to see till I see thee,

And nights bright days when dreams do show thee me.' Lily, I am so sorry. I will never forget you," fresh waves of tears splatter my face as I lean over and kiss Lily for the last time as she- 

~*~*~*~*~*

_"All days are night to see till I see thee, __and nights bright days when dreams do show thee me," James breathes just before-      _-I open my eyes to James' deep brown watering eyes. 

~*~*~*~*~*

Lily, I am so sorry. I will never forget you," fresh waves of tears splatter my face as I lean over and kiss Lily for the last time as she-     -opens her confused electric green eyes. 

"Nurse! Sirius! Lily's awake!" I scream in disbelief. 

Everyone bustles in at once, crowding around Lily shock. 

"Oh my god!" Shana mutters, while everyone just gapes at Lily. 

Martin pushes me out of the way and touches Lily's face and hands to convince himself. 

In an instant every person is talking excitedly. 

I glimpse Martin hugging Lily and Lily smiling. Lily's eyes fill with hatred for a split second as she makes eye contact with me. I turn for the door and walk aimlessly down the corridor. Miracles do happen, but Lily still hates me. 

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: short but sweet? Hopefully. REVIEW (please)!


	14. Stupid Quizzes

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Lily is peacefully asleep (a normal sleep, not in a coma like previously). A bunch of old doctors are whispering in the corner of the room. 

"I is not understanding… how did it happened?" one of the doctors mutters, frowning. 

"Strange, very strange," another doctor agrees. 

"Perhaps we should check the dream monitor," Dr. Wartick suggests, flicking his wand and materializing a small screen on the hospital wing wall. The doctors crowd around the screen with their notebooks. The screen is blank for a few minutes, and then an image appears, with the word 'unconscious' written on the bottom of the screen. Sirius and I lean forward to get a better look. They are playing Lily's dream. There's a cliff, and hanging over the edge is Martin, and… me…? Lily is lying on the ground covered in dirt, and crying. A low voice says something that I can't quite make out, and then Lily is blown over the edge of the cliff. The screen flickers, and the word 'semi-conscious' appears. My voice drifts out from the speakers. 

_When most I wink, then do mine eyes best see,_

_For all the day they view things unrespected;_

_But when I sleep, in dreams they look on thee,_

_And, darkly bright, are bright in dark directed._

_Then thou whose shadow shadows doth make bright,_

_How would thy shadow's form form happy show_

_To the clear day with thy much clearer light,_

_When to unseeing eyes thy shade shines so!_

_How would, I say, mine eyes be blessed made_

_By looking on thee in the living day,_

_When in dead night thy fair imperfect shade_

_Through heavy sleep on sightless us doth stay!_

_All days are night to see till I see thee,_

_And nights bright days when dreams do show thee me._

Meanwhile on the screen, I have fallen from the cliff too. As the end of the sonnet nears, I (the me on the screen) grab Lily around the waist and we fall together. As we hit the water, the screen flickers to 'conscious' and the image of me kissing Lily appears for a second, then an image of my eyes appear. Sirius stares at the screen unblinkingly, mouth open slightly. I hear a gasp from behind me, and I turn to find Lily staring at the screen. 

"Lily, you're awake," I say, moving to her. 

"I don't want to see you," she hisses, and slaps me across the face. 

"Lily, I-"

"You think you can waltz in here and take advantage of me while I'm practically dying and unaware of what's happening? Well, you think again, go!" Lily screams. 

"Do you really want me to leave?" I ask timidly. 

"Yes," she answers simply. 

"Fine," I turn and walk out the door, with Sirius following me. 

We walk in silence for a while. 

"Hey James, where are we going?" Sirius asks eventually. 

"I don't know," I say. 

"Now there's a good destination," Sirius mutters. I glance at Sirius. He's looking somewhat confused about something. 

"Hey, dude, what's up?" I ask. 

"I just think it's really weird how you kissed her and she woke up," Sirius says. 

"I really don't want to talk about it," I say bluntly. 

"But I don't get it. Wartick was talking about how when Lily got hurt in her dreams, the cuts appeared in real life. When she fell in her dream, she was supposed to die, but she didn't, because you caught her and fell with her. And since in real life you couldn't die with her, then she had to live with you. It's all so weird. I mean, why was it you?" Sirius blabs. 

"Hey, Sirius, I don't care, alright? So just shut up."

"But you like her."

"Yeah, and she hates me, so what's the point?"

"Right."

We walk past the common room and past nearly headless Nick. 

"You know, I was just thinking, Lily doesn't know that you kind of saved her, so maybe if I-" Sirius begins. 

"-if you told her, then maybe she wouldn't hate me so much," I finish the sentence for him, "Sirius, you're a genius!"

"It seems fairly obvious really."

"Whatever, and while you're at it, you can apologize for me," I add hopefully. 

"Or not. I said I wasn't going to do that for you, and I'm still not going to," Sirius says stubbornly, "You're going to have to say it yourself," Sirius pauses, and then adds, "After I tell her you saved her."

~*~*~*~*~*

_Lily's Diary_

_Argh! I hate James. I can't believe he kissed me while I was asleep! Bastard! He thinks he's so good and that he can just waltz right in and take advantage of me! I'll show him! Argh! I am so annoyed. Being so annoyed is tiring. According to the doctors I should get 16 hours of sleep each day… what a waste of time. I hope I get back to classes soon. Oh, I have a visitor, well, better go. _

"Shana, Courtney, hi!"

"Hey gal, how are you doing?" Shana says, approaching my bed with a box of chocolates. 

"Oh, yeah, you know, the usual, being saved by miracles and stuff," I laugh. "Courtney, hi."

Courtney looks at the floor uncomfortably. 

"I thought you were angry at me," I add. 

Courtney looks up, "Well, I was, but then I thought about it, and well, it seems stupid really. So, um, I'm really sorry!!"

Courtney runs forward and suffocates me with a hug. 

"It's ok Courtney, it's ok." I just almost died, yet I'm the one comforting others. Weird. 

"I'm so glad you're ok," Courtney wipes a tear from her eye. 

"Lily, to update you on the latest muggle goss with home comforts at school, I bring you," Shana pauses for effect, "Girlfriend!" Shana whips out my favourite magazine while we both squeal in delight. Courtney, who definitely doesn't understand muggles, just frowns. 

"Eeee! Isn't he like so hot?!" Shana squeals as she sees her favourite actor. 

"So not! He's hotter!" I reply, pointing to another picture. 

Courtney eventually joins in, reading horoscopes and taking quizzes. 

"Oh, I'm a cat. I wanted to be a squirrel," Courtney pouts. 

"I'm a butterfly," Shana announces happily. I can definitely see the butterfly in her. 

I lean over and follow the flow chart. "I'm a firefly," I moan. 

"Oh my god, fireflies are totally compatible with dragons! James is a dragon!" Courtney states. 

"Quizzes are stupid," I say, shutting the magazine promptly.

"Oh, right, I forgot that, you know… I'm sorry Lily," Courtney says. 

Shana checks her watch. "We'd better go anyway. Enjoy the chocolates."

"I will, thanks guys," I lie back down in my bed, but not for long, because Sirius and Martin come in right after Courtney and Shana leave. 

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: I hope this chapter was a little bit longer than the previous one. It's not much of a cliffhanger, but then again I don't want too many people to tell me to die. ;) So, here again are my wonderful replies:

To all my reviewers: READ FICTION PRESS!!! PLEEEAAASSSEEE…!!! (if you are clueless about what I'm talking about, read my bio)

LilynjamesAAF – unpredictability is my specialty (not really, but anyways, it sounded good to say that). Don't thank me for replying; I should be thanking you for reviewing! So thanks!

Angelbud2233 – aw, thanks. I try to make it sweet…

Ozzie4 – keep reading then! :)

Tori – you hate martin, so what do you plan to do about it?

Megan – ah, another martin hater. He seems quite unpopular. I shall get rid of him, soon. 

Alison – thank you for the mega long review. It makes up for the fact that the 'informed one' didn't review my other chapters! The answer to your question is yes I have read it (kinda, not really, shut up ok?) and yes, I will say _"an idea just came to me, and I had to write it up, and I just couldn't leave it on my computer for a couple of weeks before I uploaded it"_ can you believe it, I stayed up til like 12 last night writing poetry that I just had to get out of my head, but when I read all the poems this morning, I decided I didn't like them anymore and threw them in the bin. What a waste of my efforts last night. Ah well, I'll cope. My throat really hurts. Like really-really. Like really-really-really. Anyways, this is a very long reply. I am so proud to have been the recipient of your longest ever review. Also, Capture21 keeps putting up so much stuff! I hate her/him/it/whatever. 

Unwell – yay! Another reviewer! :) Thanks

Firewalker – ah, sacrifices, love, hatred… I promise it gets happier, eventually. 

That's all my reviewers so far, I hope I didn't miss anyone, sorry if I did. Now, let's all go read wonderful fiction press…! :)


	15. James hyperventilating

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I'm standing outside the hospital wing door with Sirius, and Martin. I pull Sirius aside. 

"Sirius, why did you bring Martin?" I whisper urgently. 

"Sorry, I ran into him on the way up here," Sirius whispers, "Look, James, I'll get rid of him, so go away, then return in about twenty minutes, ok?"

"Fine," I whisper back, "But don't forget what you have to tell Lily, ok?"

"Don't worry, you can count on me," Sirius says, turning to go inside with Martin. 

"Oh, I wish I could…" I mutter. 

"James, aren't you coming?" Martin asks. 

"Nah, I've got quidditch practice," I lie, checking my watch then turning to leave. 

I walk just round the corner and watch as Sirius and Martin disappear into the hospital wing. Twenty minutes. God it's going to be a long wait. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"Lily, hi! Good to see you up and around!" Sirius greets me brightly. 

"Hi," I reply, worried about his enthusiasm. 

Martin leans over and we kiss briefly. 

"How are you?" Sirius asks. 

"Apart from psychologically bruised, I'm fine," I grin. 

"I bring to you, compiled with much effort, time and sweat, the greatest entertainment the hospital wing has ever seen-" Sirius pauses to increase suspense. 

"Go on," Martin says curiously. 

"Funniest school pranks!" Sirius pulls out a tape, "All recorded live footage."

I take the tape from his hands, "Sirius, you make me laugh."

"I live to see smiles," Sirius grins. 

"Hey Lily," Martin begins. 

"Martin, dude, I forgot to tell you, your sister wanted to talk to you. She said it was really urgent or something," Sirius cuts in. 

"Oh, really?" Martin raises his eyebrow, "Alright then, I'll come back later Lily."

Martin gives me a hug and leaves. 

"What was that about?" I ask Sirius. I can tell he was lying. 

"Lily, I really need to tell you something," for once in his life, Sirius looks really serious. 

"What?" I say, curious about what's so urgent. 

"Your clothing tag is sticking out of the back of your top," Sirius pokes at the tag. 

"That was it?" I say, annoyed. 

"Yep! No, I'm kidding."

"Well, get on with it!" I urge. 

"First of all, listen hard, 'cause it's all truth, secondly, don't say a thing til I'm finished, thirdly, don't hit me or display any form of violence towards me, fourthly-"

"Sirius, just get on with it!" I interrupt. 

"No interruptions like that," Sirius grins. "Ok, I am reminding you once again to not say anything. James asked me to tell you this, but I also would have told you anyway. The big question, why aren't you dead? I mean, everyone was waiting, ready for you to pass away, and yet you survived. Don't get me wrong; we're happy you survived, but how did you? Well, the doctors thought it was a miracle. Then they rewatched the dream. You woke up and only saw the part where James kissed you, but before that, if you remember, in your dream he fell with you and broke the fall for you. That happened in real life. It's kind of like the whole sleeping beauty thing. He saved you. Your dreams reflected on what was really happening, and his kiss made the James in the dream save you. Since what happened, like the cuts and bruises, in the dream also happened in real life, he either had to die with you, or you had to live with him. But James couldn't die, so instead he brought you with him to life. I know it's all confusing, but it's the truth, and you have to know it. James didn't kiss you to take advantage of you. He was saying good bye, and also saved you," Sirius finally finishes. 

"Um…" I don't know what to say. 

"So basically it's just a little unfair that you're not really very grateful at all for him saving you," Sirius says. 

"Are you saying this for James?" I ask. I still hardly believe Sirius. 

"No, I'm saying this for you, because you should really know the truth. The doctors thought it'd be psychologically too hard on you, but I couldn't not tell you," Sirius takes some chocolate and munches thoughtfully while I take a moment to digest the last 3 minutes of my life. 

"I really was too harsh, wasn't I?" I tell Sirius guiltily. 

"Yep. I mean you even hit him. But hey, I think he didn't wash that spot for a week because you touched it," I raise my eyebrow at Sirius, "I'm kidding," he adds hastily, "look, I have to go now, but do not worry, I will not leave you without company."

Sirius gives me hug and leaves the hospital wing, giving an entering James a punch on the shoulder as he goes. 

~*~*~*~*~*

For twenty minutes I debate with myself as to whether I should return to the hospital wing. I pass a shiny suit of armor. 

"James you're going insane, it's just an apology, how wrong can it go?" I say to my reflection. 

"Lily, I am really sorry, I hope you can forgive me," I practise to the suit of armor. 

"Lily!? Preposterous! I am neither a flower nor lady! Come back here you crazy man!" the suit of armor waves its sword as I run away towards the hospital wing. 

I wait outside for Sirius to come out. Eventually, he comes out, giving me a punch for good luck. I take a deep breath, here it goes. 

"Erm, hi," I say. Lily is sitting in her bed looking a great deal happier and healthier than before. 

"Hi James," Lily says perfectly cheerfully. 

"Hi," I say again. 

"Yeah, I heard you say hi the first time. So… is there a perfectly good reason as to why you're here?" Lily smiles at me, melting my insides. Why is she being so nice? I guess whatever Sirius said managed to soften her up a bit. 

"Well, if Sirius hasn't already told you, I did not kiss you to take advantage of you. And about punching Martin up, I," I pause and take a deep breath, "Look I've never apologized to anyone before, well not that I can remember anyway, and I'm probably going to screw this up, but I'm really," I take another deep breath, "I really am," if I take any more deep breaths I'm going to hyperventilate, "I am really sorry, ok? And I know saying sorry doesn't fix the problem, but I am sorry, and, well, yeah, that's it. I hope you can forgive me for being so," I pause to find the right words. 

"So selfish, such a dick-head, such an idiot?" Lily finishes for me. 

"Uh, yeah, that's a good way of putting it," I mutter, looking at the floor. 

"But, apart from all that, I am going to thank you for saving my life," Lily adds. 

"Oh, ok, no problem," I reply, "so, erm, I'll just go now…"

I turn for the door, when Lily calls out.  

"Wait, James-"

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: cliffhanger?!?! The story draws close to the end… and that's why you should all read my other story on fiction press! Now, replies…

Angelbud2233 – sorry about the chapters being short, I've just been really busy lately. 

Alison – he! Yeah, I laughed at it too. 

Laura – happier now that Lily knows James saved her life?

Arwen – thank you. 

LilynjamesAAF – so have u read my fic press yet?!

Clothespegs_rule – what's with the clothes pegs?

Lilbrat888 – thank you  for a very long review!

Hollow headed hamster – put me on your favourites list then!

Firewalker – now she knows

Tori – I did read it, and I'm now proceeding to read your new chapter!

Da-drama-queen – yep, I will make a mental note to read your fan fic. 


	16. First Sign of Madness

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

~*~*~*~*~*

100 REVIEWS! OH YEAH! (doing victory dance)

~*~*~*~*~*

"Wait, James-"

I turn around slowly, "Yep?"

"Come," Lily beckons me. I approach her in trance. Lily Evans, the girl who formerly hated me, is now telling me to go anywhere within three feet of her. 

"I'd just like to point out that a) I can't believe you've never apologized to anyone, b) yes, the only true thing you've ever said, saying sorry does not fix problems, c) I guess I will consider forgiving you if you stop being such a prat, and d) yep, that was a screwed up apology," Lily smiles. 

"Uh, thanks…" I have no idea what I'm supposed to say. 

"Lily, hi," Martin comes in through the open door, "Oh, James…"

Martin and Lily kiss on the lips and Martin pulls Lily onto his lap. 

"Well, bye then," Lily says to me after an awkward pause. 

"Ok, bye," I reply weirdly. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"Well? What did he say?" Bertha and Courtney ask. 

"He said sorry," I mutter. 

"And?" Bertha leans forward. 

"Do you mind? You're breathing on me. And nothing. He didn't say anything else," Courtney and Bertha look disappointed. 

"What?" I ask. 

"Um, hello..? Some really cute guy just saved your life and apologized to you, and you're not even going to do anything about it?" Courtney replies. 

"What am I supposed to do? Dump Martin?" I roll my eyes, "And James is not really cute."

"Ok then, really hot."

"Argh, guys, do you mind?" I say. 

"Sorry for trying to open your eyes to the hottest guy in school who is crazy for you," Bertha mutters. 

"Look, he's nice… ish… I'm sure we can be friends, but Martin is just… perfect… ish…" I try to explain. 

"Friends? Friends?? Girl, you are crazy!" Bertha screams, "Do you know how hard it is for a guy to be friends with a girl he is crazy for?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, that's how it was with Martin. He was crazy for me, and pretended to be just friends with me. James is crazy for me, and never bothered to try to be just friends with me. Anyways, Martin is your brother. How can you stand up for James like this?" I retort. 

"Fine, whatever. Your life, not mine," Bertha stands up with Courtney, "Let's go."

"Bye Lily," Courtney says as Bertha drags her out of hospital wing. 

I sit and ponder for a while. Hmn… really cute, really hot, and really crazy for me. Now that is an interesting thought. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"James," Sirius calls me as soon as I enter the common room, "So? How did it go?"

"Fine," I reply shortly. 

"Fine? That's it??" Sirius slumps back into his chair. 

"What, did you think she would dump her boy friend just because I said sorry to her?" I mutter, sprawling on the chair next to Sirius. 

"Well, yeah, that's what I was hoping," Sirius replies. 

"Dream on then," I close my eyes and run my hand through my hair. 

"Are you still crazy for her?" Sirius asks after a long silence. 

"Who?" I open my eyes. 

"C'mon, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Are you still crazy for Lily?" Sirius offers a packet of every flavor beans. 

I take one and munch thoughtfully for a moment. "No," I finally say. 

"Really?" Sirius chokes on a brown bean. 

"Um… no, yes, I don't know, ok?" I grab the packet and hurl it into the fire. 

"Wow, temper," Sirius mutters, "And do you mind, those beans cost me!"

"What, like two minutes of nicking?" I close my eyes again. 

"Yes, two whole minutes of my precious time! Now just answer the question. Are you still crazy for Lily? Do you still like her?" Sirius punches my shoulder to wake me up. 

"Yes, ok? Yes. I am still crazy for her and I still like her. I wish that Martin dude would just shove off, I wish she'd like me back, I wish she'd go out with me, I wish she'd let me kiss her when she's awake, I wish she'd let me hold her. You happy! I still f*cking love her!"

"Ok… maybe you should just try being friends or something," Sirius suggests. 

"Maybe," I run the thought through my head, "Who am I kidding? She would never want to have anything to do with me. I'm going to bed." 

I stomp off up to our dormitory and flop onto my bed without changing into pyjamas. I stare at the dark ceiling and I can see Lily's glowing hair and electric eyes. 

"James, get yourself together. Get over her. This is stupid," I say to myself, "We can be friends. Just have a normal conversation. It's not that hard. Mental note, talking to one's self is the first sign of madness…"

~*~*~*~*~*

"Miss Evans, you may pack up your things and leave," the nurse says. 

"Thanks," I smile gratefully as I pull of the hospital wing garments and put on my own robes. 

"The headmaster has also told me to inform you that you will have no exams due to your prolonged illness."

"Oh, ok," I'm a little disappointed. I must have missed so much stuff, "Um… what day is it?"

"It's Sunday," the nurse replies before leaving the room. 

I grab all my stuff and my presents and leave for the Gryffindor common room. 

"God, it's good to be back," I say to myself as I dump all my stuff on my bed. 

"Lily! You're back!" screams fill the room as the Gryffindor students knock me over with their hugs. After about an hour of trying to fight my way out of the common room, I succeed. I walk out to the quidditch pitch, wondering how many games I've missed. I'm just about to leave when I notice some walking towards me. That someone happens to be James. Uh oh, I think to myself. 

"It's ok, don't be stupid," I murmur to myself, "It's just James. Who cares if the rest of the school thinks you're crazy for not going out with the hottest guy who is crazy for you? Ok, I might care a little, but not a lot. Plus, he isn't hot or cute. Ok, may a little cute, quite hot, but that's ok. Everyone else thinks the same. He's getting closer. Uh oh. Lily, stop being crazy. Mental note, talking to one's self is the first sign of madness…"

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: how was that?? After re-writing this chapter three times, I am finally happy with it. "To serve, to strive and not to yield", who came up with that motto?? Sorry I was at camp for ten days and couldn't write more. Ok, ok, replies:

Angelbud2233 – writing, writing… geez… my poor, poor brain is being over worked. 

C – uh… I didn't think of that…  
LilynjamesAAF – oh, sorry, I can't help myself! It's so funny!

Hollow Headed Hamster – I always thought hamster had a 'p' in it… obviously not though…

Tori – they are bad, but good. Aren't you being just slightly contradictory??

SiriusVeela – best story huh? Very flattered. 

Ali – hmn… I don't really have much of a reply to what you said. But thanks for reviewing. 

Da-drama-queen – you're most certainly welcome. 

Angelic-winkles – made you cry? Aw… is it really that emotional? 

Kim – you finally reviewed! Yay!

Firewalker – updating… updating… go read fiction press in the meantime. 

Megan – as I said, I couldn't update because I was on camp with no internet. I almost died!

Demoness Mark – yay, I'm on your fav list!

Laura – do you write fan fic?

Lanette – gah!? You're the first person I know of who's typed that before (that's, um, a compliment, I think…) 

EVERYONE, READ FICTION PRESS. PLEASE? (+ PUPPY DOG FACE) I REALLY NEED REVIEWS FOR MY STUFF THERE. IT'S UNDER ARCHEIMAX12 (BUT SEARCH "ARCHEIMA"). REVIEW 'BLOW ME AWAY' OR I WILL NOT FINISH THIS STORY!! NOW WE WOULDN'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN, WOULD WE?? THANK YOU REVIEWERS!!! 100 REVIEWS! THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WHO GOT ME THIS FAR! LOVE YOU ALL!


	17. Normal Conversation, Siryca, and Detenti

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

I lie down on the quidditch pitch and watch the clouds. A particular sonnet repeats itself in my head. I'm completely lost in random thoughts when something red catches my eye. It's a girl with red hair. Yep, it's Lily. I sit up and look in her direction. She is alone and, like me, seems to be lost in her own world. She hasn't noticed me yet, so I stand up and head in her direction. Lily sees me and waits uncertainly on the spot, muttering to herself. 

"Hi Lily," I greet her. 

"Oh, um, hi," she avoids my eyes. 

"So…" I cast around for a topic of conversation, "You're better now?"

"Yeah, loads," Lily replies. 

"Ok…"

"Yeah…"

"You missed quite a few quidditch games," I say. 

"Oh, ok, how're we going?" Lily makes her way over to the seats. I sit down next to her. 

"Oh, actually, we're coming second last," I say sadly. 

"Oh…" Lily stares out at the quidditch goals, "I really missed quidditch."

"Yeah, I understand. We've really missed you. The team needs you here," I say as she looks at her feet. 

"Sorry," Lily mumbles. 

"It's not your fault," I look Lily in the eye. 

"But I feel like it is," Lily smiles hesitantly. 

"Don't worry," I slowly inch closer to her. 

"I try not to," Lily sighs as she sweeps her glowing hair from her face. 

"It's all going to be ok now," I assure her as I hesitate to put my arm around her. I think better of it, and draw back my arm. We sit in comfortable silence for a while, watching the clouds. It's weird. This is the first time we have sat so close without fighting. 

"Why are you suddenly being so nice?" Lily asks, breaking the silence. I look down at her green eyes and feel my insides melting. 

"Because… because…" I can barely stop myself from leaning closer to her, "Because I… you…" god I must sound like such a retard. "Don't you like me being nice?" I eventually respond. 

"Well, yeah, but you're usually just so…"

"Annoying?" I finish for her. 

"Yeah," Lily grins. 

"Oh, well, I try to be nice," I say lamely. 

"Right, well, I better go now," Lily stands up. 

"Ok, sure, see you around," I smile as she waves bye. 

Once she's a few metres away, I jump up and punch the air in a victory dance. Yes!!! I had a normal conversation with Lily. She doesn't think I'm crazy. Lily turns around and stares strangely at me. I think I spoke to soon. 

"Bye," she laughs and walks away. 

"Yeah," I murmur before collapsing with happiness on the pitch. She doesn't hate me! I, James Potter, am officially a legend. 

~*~*~*~*~*

I'm in front of the fire in the common room leaning on Martin. We're toasting marshmallows in the fire and talking about our life before Hogwarts. 

"Where were you born?" Martin asks. 

"In London. You?"

Martin smiles in the firelight, "Russia."

"Russia!" I'm surprised. 

"Didn't Bertha tell you?"

"Nup."

"Actually, I'm returning there at the end of the year," Martin adds. 

I drop my marshmallow and turn around. "What? For how long?"

"I don't know, we're moving," Martin replies. 

"But I'll see you again, right?" I frown. 

"Hopefully," Martin's voice is cracked with sorrow, "I miss home…"

"Home… yeah…" I study Martin's face. It's pretty easy to read his thoughts once you know him, especially his eyes. They tell everything. Martin's eyes shine with tears as he recalls memories. And then it becomes so obvious. 

"You miss someone, a friend you haven't seen for ages. You're worried that they may have changed, or forgotten you," I murmur. 

"How did you know?" Martin brushed tears from his face. 

"I can just tell. Tell me about it," I pull Martin closer as though he is a small child. 

"My closest friend was Siryca. We knew each other since birth. Then we moved to London and I never saw her again. Our parents didn't get along, and we were forbidden to write to each other. Before I left, we promised that on that day eight years later, we would meet where we parted. I hope she hasn't forgotten me and her promise…" Martin trails off. 

"She won't," I assure Martin and squeeze him. 

"When I came to Hogwarts, you reminded me so much of her," Martin murmurs. 

"Does Bertha know about Siryca?"

"Yes, but never talk of her. It hurt too much. But now I can talk to you the way I used to talk to Siryca," Martin plays with my hair. 

"Did you love her?" I turn and look into deep blue eyes. 

"Yes, as a friend. I was too young to know other love. The reason I first noticed you was because you have the same fiery hair as Siryca. And when I got to know you through my sister, I realized how much you were like her as a person."

Martin keeps talking. Eventually I fall asleep listening to his voice. 

~*~*~*~*~*

I'm in history of Magic, possibly the most boring subject ever. Everyone in the class is either catching up on sleep or passing notes. A note is passed to me, and assuming it's for someone else, I pass it on to the person on my left. A few seconds later, the note comes back to me. I read the outside and realize it has my name on it. I open the note and read. 

_Lily, _

_How boring is this? Anyways, I was just, well, bored, so I thought I'd write to you. Reasons why I should be nice to you:_

_1. Because I'm just a very nice person. _

_2. Sirius told me to be nice. _

_3. Being annoying takes too much effort I have decided. _

_4. Perhaps if I'm nice you may stop hating me. _

_5. When I was annoying you tended to hit me a lot, so I figure that by being nice I will avoid further bruising. _

_6. A fairy came to me last night and told me if I was a good boy that she'd give me chocolate and good grades. _

_7. Good grades, who doesn't want those? -Especially if someone's just going to give them to you. _

_8. I figured karma would get me back eventually, and that is not a happy thought. I think I'd better clear my record before it comes to get me. _

_9. I'm cold, and being nice is supposed to give you that warm fuzzy feeling. _

_10. I can't think of a reason number ten, but I will. _

_So, let's pick up that quill and start replying. _

_-James-_

_PS. 10. Being nice + other people = friends_

_PPS. When are you starting quidditch again? Your replacement player really sucks. _

Ok… well, we still have fifteen minutes to go, so I suppose I have time to write back. It's not like I have anything else to do. 

_James, just 'cause you are bored doesn't mean I am and that I'm not trying to learn. But, luckily for you, I am also bored and do not intend to pay much attention. As for the reasons why you should be nice to me. _

_1. You are not a very nice person.  _

_2. Do you always do what Sirius tells you to do? That may in most cases be quite dangerous. _

_3. You were born annoying, how can it be too much effort? _

_4. I never said I hated you. Oh, wait, yes I did…_

_5. Being nice does not necessarily mean I won't still hit you. If anything, I shall hit even harder. _

_6. I do not believe in fairies.  _

_7. I get good grades and I don't have a fairy.  _

_8. Karma. I love that idea.  _

_9. Being nice does not give you a warm fuzzy feeling. I am nice to people but I feel cold too. _

_10. You are very bad at saying things. It is not hard to say 'let's be friends'. _

_I will start quidditch training straight away. Who is my replacement player? She/he really sucks? Well, you're nice, aren't you? I will not attempt to force you to pick up your quill. _

_-Lily-_

I fold the parchment am about to pass it back. 

"Evans!"

I look up. Professor Yrotsih is leaning over my desk.  

"Yes professor?" I try to look up innocently. 

"Passing notes?"

"Sorry professor." Gah, his breath stinks! (AN: 'gah' dedicated to Lanette)

"Detention!"

WHAT?!

"Professor, it was my fault," suddenly James stands up and the whole class turns to him. 

"Potter?"

"It was my fault, put me in detention," James looks so… brave? No, he's just stupid. I motion for him to sit down from behind Professor Yrotsih's back. 

"Fine. Evans, Potter, both of you detention tonight for not paying attention in class!" Professor Yrotsih storms back to his desk just as the bell rings. I take a breath of clean air. Great, detention. I have never gotten a detention before. 

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: a little more interesting chapter? Yes? No? I haven't been updating much because I've been so tired. I went to bed at 8:30pm three nights in a row. And woke up at 7:30am each morning. Anyway, replies…

Ali – I happen to like my ego. 

Tori – incase you didn't notice, I was dead tired from camp and could barely type. 

Megan – officially awesome? I like it!

Angelbud2233 – Why are you so glad? Nothing's happening with the two of them, yet… 

Stephhh * ;) – I will get them together… eventually. 

LJstagflower4e – I'm going, I'm going…

Marauder Marion – I did READ some of your stories. Kinda…

Violetangel89 – I am not issuing threats, just… yeah, I am issuing threats, ok?

Angelic-Winkles – keep looking!

Cyd – this is the first time you've reviewed… I think… or maybe I have a bad memory. Or maybe you change names. Whatever. 

Now, what did I say about reading fiction press? Yes, that's right, YOU SHOULD READ IT! This is not a threat, this is a strong suggestion. Did I mention thanks to all my reviewers? Yes, thanks! See that button that says 'go'? Yes, push it and type!

-Electra*27-


	18. Lots of Butterbeer

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

"Miss Potter, Mr Evans-"

"Hum, I'm Potter," James corrects Professor Yrotsih. 

"Miss Evans, Mr Potter," Professor Yrotsih continues with a trace of annoyance in his voice, "You will serve out your detention by cleaning this room, no magic, and all the cauldrons, again without magic. If anything is not clean, you will come back for as long as it takes to get it right. Understood?"

"Yes sir," James and I mutter. 

"Yes, good evening," Professor Yrotsih says before slamming the door after himself. 

I look around the room. It's an old dusty underground room with no windows and a huge pile of cauldrons stacked in the middle of the floor. 

"Well, we'd better get round to it," I pick up a scrubbing brush.  

"I'm sorry," James says, not moving. 

"Sorry for what?" I ask, looking up at him. 

"For getting you in trouble."

"Well, it is partly my fault. I should've had enough sense to ignore the note," I reply simply. 

"But you didn't ignore it," James points out. 

"Yes, I've noticed that. By the way, here's the reply," I hand James the note before starting on a cauldron. 

He reads it and laughs. "Very funny Evans."

"Evans?" I chuck James a scourer. 

"Lily, I mean," James shrugs and attacks his cauldron. 

"I doubt that wrestling your cauldron is going to get you anywhere," I mutter. 

After four hours, we have finally shined all the cauldrons and the room is almost looking hospitable. 

"Done," I breathe, leaning back against the wall. 

"Thank god…" James moans, cradling his hands, "How do muggles do this?"

"We manage."

"Right, well, we'd better go." James and I head for the door. 

"Shit, it's locked," James says. 

"Unlock it then," I roll my eyes. 

"That's weird, there's no lock on the inside," James says. 

"Don't be stupid," I push in front of him. "Oh," there is no lock. "Whatever, that doesn't matter. Alohomora," I murmur, pointing my wand at where the lock would be if there was one. I try the doorknob again. Still locked…

"Now what do we do? There are no windows to climb out of," James looks at me. 

"Well, we'll have to stay here til tomorrow morning when someone comes to get us," I reply matter-of-factly. I'm not exactly happy about sleeping in the same room as James, but it's not like I have I choice. 

"Ok."

James goes at leans in a corner, throwing sponges into buckets. I pick a different corner and curl up in a ball. 

"Are you thirsty?" James asks after a while of silence - except for the occasional scratching sound when a scourer misses the bucket. 

"Yeah, a bit," I admit. 

"No prob," James goes to the middle of the room and starts tapping floorboards with his feet. 

"James, what are you doing?" 

"Got it," James yanks up a loose floorboard. There are about twenty bottles of butterbeer crammed in the small space. 

"You've been in this room before?" I asked surprised. 

"Yeah," James hands me a bottle. 

"Thanks," I go and curl in the corner next to James. We throw sponges and scourers at the buckets again. 

"Cold?"

"Kind of," I reply. 

James stands up and hands me his cloak. I blush as he wraps it round my shoulders. After about an hour, we've almost finished all the bottles of butterbeer. This is the point where you start getting a bit delirious. James and I are missing most of our throws at the buckets and are giggling hysterically. We're both sitting in our normal clothes without our robes because it's getting so hot. 

"How many girlfriends have you had?"

"Too many," James replies. 

"Oh really? How many isat?"

"Dunno, can't remember…"

"You have a bad memor… momory… memory I mean…"

"You're pretty."

"You're pretty too."

"Can I kiss you?"

"If you want," I giggle in reply. 

"I want," James pulls me under him and we kiss passionately. 

"Hmn, you're a hot kisser," I giggle as I reach up and unbutton his shirt. James' hair is messed up in the cutest way and the sides of his warm brown eyes crinkle slightly as he smiles. 

"Better than Martin?" James runs a finger down my spine. 

"What Martin? I only know a James," I reply, rolling on top of him, "You're trapped!"

"No I'm not!" James grabs me round the waist. 

"No, don't tickle me!" We stop talking for another record-breaking pash. 

I wake up to the hushed murmuring of voices. I'm lying somewhere hard under a cloak with a huge headache. Someone is wrapped around me and they're breathing softly on my neck. I open my eyes blearily and turn to see who it is. 

"Shit! James!"

"Hmn? What?" James sits up sleepily. I notice he's not wearing a top. I look down at myself. Thank god I'm still wearing most of my clothes, sort of. 

Surrounding sounds and voices swim into focus. We're in the detention classroom with a group of about ten Gryffindors whispering around us. I look questioningly at James.

~*~*~*~*~*

"Shit! James!" I hear Lily's voice and awake suddenly. My head explodes as I sit up abruptly. We're both lying under the same cloak, half dressed. There are bottles of butterbeer lying around us, as well as a group of people. Lily looks at me, confused. I shake my head. I can't remember a thing about last night – except that it was a damn good night. I'm trying to figure it out but Martin's fist meets my face first. Ow, that did not help the headache. 

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: sorry, short chapter and long time. I couldn't figure a way to make it longer. I guess I'll just do the usual with replies. 

Prongslover – thanks. So you love James eh?

Angelbud2233 – yes, I'm writing…

Lanette – thank you for the applause, and now Electra returns it with a bow. 

Shadowfox991 – luv the reviewers!

CrazyStarz – I need to talk to someone, desperately… and no prizes for who I ended up calling… (hint hint)

DarkeningSky – you no longer have to wonder!

Michelle-black16 - they will get together… eventually. 

Cathrin* - I usually update pretty fast. This chapter just took a particularly long time. I don't know why, cuz it's not that long…

Cyd – sorry, haven't had much time to write this week!

Tori – yay! You reviewed. I got you a present. I am eating chocolate - Chocolate ice cream. Mmm. 

So, is Lily going to hate James for kissing her? Is Martin angry with Lily? Is James going to fight with Martin again? Are Lily and James going to be able to ever talk to each other again after that night? So many questions - read and review for the answers! Hmn, let's try for 130 reviews? Okkies?

-Electra*27-


	19. Picking Herbs

CHAPTER NINETEEN

"Shit!" I look up painfully at Martin and the group of Gryffindors. Lily has a horrified look of comprehension on her face. She crawls into a corner away from me, taking my cloak with her. (Hey, I might want my cloak…)

"What was that for?" I rub my eye as I stand up. 

Martin rolls his eyes. Then without warning, punches me in the stomach. I double over with pain. 

"Did that help you figure it out?" Martin mutters as he pushes me against the wall. What kind of question is that? Duh it didn't help me figure things out. All I manage to reply is a moan. 

"Argh!" Martin throws his hands up in the air and walks out, casting Lily a very dirty look on the way. 

There's silence, then someone calls, "Professor Yrotsih is coming!" They all retreat to walls as the professor enters. 

"What happened here?"

Silence. 

"Potter, Evans, to my office now," professor says before turning to leave. Lily and I follow hurriedly behind him. 

We pass several corridors filled with students and frantic whispering. No doubt some rumor about Lily and I has already spread like wildfire. Professor Yrotsih opens his office door and motions for us to take a seat. 

"Potter, Evans, I want to hear the truth about what happened last night."

Lily and I glance at each other. Lily looks too scared to say anything, so start to speak. 

"We finished our detention, and we were going to leave, but the door was locked and we couldn't figure out a way to get out…"

"And then?"

"I can't remember professor," I lower my head. 

"Evans?" Lily looks up in surprise. 

"I…I, I can't remember…" Lily stutters. 

"Well, I think that twenty butterbeer bottles would explain the fuzziness of the situation," Professor Yrotsih pours a purple liquid into two glasses, "Drink it. It will clear the hangover."

The heaviness in my head is immediately reduced after I drink the potion. 

"You will both receive detentions for getting drunk in detention, and you will also lose 100 points each from Gryffindor."

"What? 100 each??" I yell. 

"You should be glad it isn't more. Now get out of here before I take more off," the professor pushes us out of his office into the now deserted corridor. 

Lily and I walk back to the Gryffindor tower in silence. I head up to my dormitory and flop down on my bed until there is a light knock at the door. I haul myself off my bed and peek through the slightly ajar door. It's Lily. She's already showered and changed into clean clothes. I open the door wider. 

"Here's your cloak," Lily hands me my cloak. She winces as she looks up at my face. 

"Thanks," I manage a smile. We stand in strange silence for a while. 

"I'm really sorry," I murmur. 

Lily closes her eyes and sighs. 

"Sorry," I whisper as I try to give her a hug. She turns around and walks away with as much dignity as one can muster with tears rolling down their face. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"You know Lily, you're such a slut," Bertha says to me at lunch. I don't reply. 

"You broke my brother's heart. And how? Not by dumping him, no that's not good enough for you, you have to go sleep with some other guy. No prizes for who. Yes, that's it, the guy who bashed him up for going out with you. Lily, are you listening to me!" 

I continue eating my lunch. 

"Lily!" Bertha's new best friend Jenni (very popular Gryffindor in our year) slaps me across the face. Bertha doesn't do anything to stop her. 

"Please go away," I say softly. 

"No, Slut!" Jenni slaps me on the other side of my face, "Why don't you leave?"

"Fine," I reply and stand up to leave. The whole table hushes and stares at me. James and Sirius aren't at lunch I notice. The thought doesn't stay for long because Jenni tips a glass of juice on me. Some of the girls laugh with her. I walk out of the hall head held high. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sirius asks. 

"Not especially," I reply bluntly. 

"Ok…"  

"Fine, whatever, what do you want to know?" I can tell he wants to know what happened like the rest of the school. 

"Everything!" 

I sigh as I tell him as much as I can remember of what happened last night. 

"Man, she's going to hate you," Sirius says after we've finished. 

"Thank you Einstein," I mutter. 

"Did you apologize?"

"Yes."

"Well, there's a start…"

~*~*~*~*~*

So this is how it feels surrounded by nasty rumors and no one to talk to. I sit through each class with as much concentration as I can muster with everyone muttering about me. I trudge back up to the common room after dinner, hoping for a bit of quiet time before detention. Martin meets me as soon as I enter the portrait hole. I avoid his eyes and make to go around him. He grabs me by the arm. 

"We need to talk," Martin says. 

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Hmn let's see, maybe about how you slept with James last night in detention!" Martin mutters sarcastically. 

"I did not sleep with him," I reply. 

"Oh fine then, how do you explain how you were both lying half dressed under the same cloak this morning?"

"Nothing happened, ok?"

"Sure," Martin shrugs, but doesn't believe me, "If you were drunk, how would you know nothing happened?"

I am spared answering. 

"Evans, we have detention now," James comes up to us. 

"Oh good, go have another detention together!" Martin throws his arms in the air and storms up to his dormitory.   

I follow James to Professor Yrotsih's office where we are given instructions for detention. 

"You are to go into the forest and collect a basket of each of these herbs," we are given a list, "I will wait for you in the hut on the edge of the forest. If there is any trouble, shoot red sparks into the air."

"What, don't we grow these herbs, why do we have to pick them from the forest?" James says. The professor ignores him and indicates for us to carry the stack of baskets to the edge of the forest. 

"Ok, let's pick the Jexons-curse first," James and I carry a basket between us, and head into the forest. 

~*~*~*~*~*

Lily and I walk for a while looking for Jexons-curse. There's hardly any around. Finally the basket is almost full. We head back to get a basket for the next herb. This continues for maybe six hours. There is little conversation. I apologize every so often, but Lily doesn't seem to have any reaction. Eventually we have finished picking all the herbs. 

"Very well, you are to return straight to your tower," Professor Yrotsih dismisses us. 

Lily and I walk side by side up to the castle. 

"Lily, do you hate me now?" I ask as we walk up dark stairs. Lily falls through a disappearing step and doesn't have time to answer. I pull her out and look into her eyes. Lily looks away and brushes my arm off her. 

"Thanks," she mutters and continues quickly up the stairs. She stops abruptly at the top. 

"What?" I ask, catching up to her. Then I notice what she notices. There is classroom with the door slightly open, and a dim light coming from within. There are strange sounds coming from it. 

Lily steps forward and pushes open the door. She makes a weird squeaking sound and falls back into me. I steady her round the shoulders and the scene meets my eyes too. It's not pretty. 

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: -suspense- what did they see? I love you reviewers. I asked for 130 and u got me 140+ reviews! Thank you so much! Long list of replies… also, I partly dedicate the idea of Martin going to Russia to zoe, and the rest of the plot is partly dedicated to tori for helping me. 

Angelbud2233 – yay, thanx for contributing to the review minimum of 130! Yay!

Alison – I wasn't online. I was asleep. I forgot to log off. Why was I an idiot for putting up 'hmn… let's try for 130 reviews'?

LimeJuiceTub – ah, but the hp books never say she's a goody-goody. Only writers on ff tend to make her that way. But thanks for being critical. 

Kittiy – I don't have much time to update much. 

SiriusVeela – be ready for lots more! I thought I was almost finished, but now I have changed how I was going to make the plot. 

DarkeningSky – who would be happy finding their gf in someone else's arms?

Bree – y don't you normally review? U should! I would update faster if you did!

Diane – yay, keep reading!

Ladyannabee – thanks for supplying four reviews! Wait, no, five reviews! Legend!

Marion – haha! I laugh at you!

Padfoots-angellover – writing more… only cuz u asked nicely. 

Tori – we have three boxes of ice cream. Ha! Wat was the prezzie?

Jeaniebeanie33 – thanx. I can't think of more to reply…

Ljstagflower4e – I don't get ur name…

Calanthea Willow – I am bored. I am bored. I am bored. Oh, sorry, I am probably scaring you…

Angie – I know I have spelling mistakes, but I can't be bothered to change them. 


	20. Martin vs James again!

CHAPTER TWENTY 

I gasp. Martin and Courtney are snogging each other on a classroom table. Snogging is probably even an understatement. Neither of them has noticed Lily and me yet. Lily has collapsed in shock into my arms, her electric eyes wide with horror. I put one arm under her legs and one under her back and carry her back to the Gryffindor tower. I lower her gently into a chair and make to return to my dormitory. She gives a little sob and grabs my arm to stop me leaving. 

"Oh god Lily, don't do this to me," I murmur, sitting down next to her. Beautifully silent tears are pouring down her face. I push her hair from her face and wipe the tears with my hand. If I stay any longer I'm not going to be able to resist myself. 

"C'mon Lily, I can't stay," I try to stand up. 

"No, James, don't go," Lily cries. 

I sigh and hug her into my chest, allowing her to cry all over me. She doesn't have anything to say. I guess she just wants to be able to cry to someone. Too bad that someone is me. I sit patiently for an hour. It's almost three in the morning. Lily eventually falls asleep, exhausted. 

"Why do you do this to me. How can I be a good friend when I'm in love with you?" I whisper, stroking Lily's hair, "Life is so unfair." Lily mutters something in her sleep. I sigh and gently kiss her forehead, "Goodnight." I'm so tired; when I close my eyes I fall asleep instantly. 

~*~*~*~*~*

I wake up warm. I snuggle deeper into my pillow. Wait, that's not my pillow. It smells vaguely familiar. I breathe in deeply. It's James' scent. James?!? I open my eyes. I'm in the Gryffindor common room, asleep in James' arms in a couch. Then everything from last night (early this morning actually) comes flooding back. 

Classroom. 

Martin. 

Courtney. 

Then me crying all over James. How embarrassing. 

I try to wriggle myself out of his arms without waking him. 

"Hmn? Lily?" James mutters, opening one eye. 

"Yeah, it's me," I reply softly, unwrapping his arms from around me. 

James looks at me half guiltily. "I – you - last night - after detention - you were crying - wouldn't let me go," he mutters. 

"Mmm, sorry," I blush, "I didn't mean to cry on you. Sorry."

"That's ok," James gives me a smile. I glance at the clock. 5:30 in the morning! 

"Go back to sleep," I suggest. 

"Nah, already awake, might as well get up and finish history home work," James says. 

"Crap, we had home work? I'll go get mine. Be right back." I dash up to my room and grab my history books without waking the other girls. 

James and I work on the essay for an hour. Funnily enough, we help each other out. I used to always be the one who helped other people, and now I was accepting help. It felt so… strange. By 6:45, the essay is done. 

"Yes!" I drop my quill in triumph. 

"Give me five!" James and I high five each other and collapse on the floor, tired. 

"Hey Lily?"

"Yep?"

"Don't you hate me for… you know…" 

"For what?" I ask. 

"For, you know, getting drunk in detention with you, waking up… you know what I'm talking about!"

"Getting drunk, hmn, that was stupid, you are such an idiot, but it was partly my fault too. Whatever we did while we were drunk, which I'm adding is not a lot, was not neither of our fault," I reply. That's weird, I'm not even that angry with him. 

"Ok…" James says, and then adds, "Do you still like Martin?"

"Um…" I don't know what to say. 

"If it's too hard to talk about it, you don't have to answer." 

God, that has got to be the most understanding thing James has ever said. I don't have time to think of a way to word it, as giggling interrupts us. The portrait hole opens and Martin enters, Courtney giggling (drunk I think she is) in his arms. He drops Courtney onto a couch and sees James and me. 

"Good morning Martin. Have a nice night?" I say acidly. 

Martin sways on the spot and blushes, and then points at James and me. "What about you two, eh?"

"Um, we're doing home work," James replies calmly. 

Martin holds his head in his hands. No doubt the hangover is getting to him. "Get – away- from – my – girl – friend."

"She can move if she wants to," James replies. 

I don't move. Martin's obviously drank a lot last night. 

"What if I don't want to? What if I don't like it that you make out with some other girl?" I shout. 

"Get away from him," Martin shouts back. 

"No!"

"You did exactly what I did. What right do you have to get angry?" Martin whips out his wand and points it shakily at me. 

"I did not do the same as you. James and I didn't do anything!"

"Leave Lily out of it, it's my fault," James says and Martin shifts his wand to aim at James. 

"Yeah, you're right, it is your fault," Martin steps closer, "It's all your fault," closer still, "If you weren't here," now he's only a few centimeters away, "Everything would be fine." Martin punches James in the jaw. 

"Shit! Ow," James pushes Martin back. 

Before I know it, the two of them are rolling around on the floor. Serious dejavu. Suddenly there is a shout of a blurred incantation and the fighting stops. Martin gets up, his wand still pointed at James. James is lying on the floor, unable to move. He's performed the binding curse on him. Martin lunges at James. 

"This is for being a bastard! (*punch*) This is for stealing my girlfriend! (*punch*)"

I reach inside my pocket for my wands to undo the spell, but I find my pocket is empty. 

"Martin, stop!" I scream. 

"I'm doing this for you Lily," Martin says breathlessly. 

"No, you're not!" I yell, pushing him backwards. 

"Fine! Whatever!" Martin storms to the open portrait hole. He dizzily tries to climb out, sways on the spot, and then falls to the floor snoring. Definitely very drunk. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"Oh god, James, are you ok?" Lily rushes to my side. Stupid question really. My jaw feels dislocated, I have a huge headache, just had the crap beaten out of me, and I can't move. No really, I'm fine. Lily's face creases with worry. She reaches inside my robes (my heart is practically pumping at 200 per second as she brushes on me), and takes out my wand to undo the spell. 

"Thanks," I mutter and try to sit up, but a stabbing pain in my chest doesn't allow me to. 

"James, don't move," Lily lifts my head and rests it in her lap. "I'm so sorry. Someone always gets hurt when I'm around…"

"It's not your fault," I try to smile but my jaw kills. 

Students start coming down to the common room. Whispering fills the room as people survey the scene. 

"Oh my god, what happened?"

"Martin and Courtney? Didn't they like break up ages ago?"

"So both Lily and Martin cheated on each other?"

"Look, Lily and James."

"Are they together now?"

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: aw… no cliffhanger! So, how are we liking it? Yay! 150+ reviews! You guys rock! Let's try for, um… 170? Push that review button and help me get there! Replies:

LimeJuiceTub – yeah, they are a bit too bitchy huh? Oh well, all teenage girls are really bitchy sometimes. 

CrazyStarz – hmn… ok… whatever, just review!

Windowseat wonderer – ok, this was a suspenseless ending. 

You know you're right – didn't like what they saw, did you?

ShadowFox991 – you haven't reviewed for a while. Yeah, cliffs are funny. 

Hollow headed hamster – are you dead yet? I'm not on your favs anymore! I am offended!

Angelbud2233 – ooh, you're good - it was something with martin. 

Padfoots-angellover – keep asking nicely!

Dee Ann – I only do cliffs cause people's reactions are funny! Like yours. 

Tori bird – I will not kill martin. That is heartless. But then again, I am heartless. 

Darkening sky – major jealousy fits. I like chocolate. 

Lady-anna-bee – suspensefulness is not a word. See? Microsoft word underlines it. 

Calanthea Willow – You have to read all of it!


	21. Sirius and His Brilliant Ideas

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

I'm sitting in Transfiguration all by myself. James is in hospital wing and Martin is on the other side of the room. Christmas draws close and no one pays attention in class. I'm debating with myself about Martin and James. 

_"I say take James."_

_"I say Martin."_

_"Martin's a retard. He bashed up James."_

_"So? James bashed up Martin too."_

_"Yeah, but Martin wasn't defenseless. Martin put a spell on James. That wasn't fair."_

_"But Lily's always hated James."_

_"She doesn't really hate him, she just pretends to."_

_"Martin has nicer eyes."_

_"James is hotter."_

_"So not."_

_"Anyways, James saved her life."_

_"Well it's not like Martin couldn't help that."_

_"Martin has a crummy name. Anyway, he's leaving for Russia soon. Might as well take James. Better investment in my opinion."_

_"Oh, so they're investments now are they?"_

_"No, that's not what I mean. James loves her more, ok?"_

_"How do you know?"_

"Lily," someone whispers in my ear. 

"Huh?" I turn around and Bertha passes me a note. I take it and turn back to face the front before opening it. I can recognise the handwriting immediately. 

            _Dear Lily, I just wanted to write to tell you I'm really sorry about what happened. I was really upset about you and James, and I got drunk. Courtney, who you know is my ex, just happened to be there when I needed someone. Whatever we did when we were drunk, I didn't mean for it to happen. I only beat James up because he was/is trying to steal you from me and I can tell you don't hate him anymore.  I don't want to force you to be with me. I guess I just have to accept whatever you decision is. Please don't be angry with me. _

_-Love Martin-_

I glance across at Martin. He's pretending to pay attention to avoid having to look at me. I dip my quill in purple ink and begin to write. 

            Martin, So obviously you didn't trust me to be with James. Nothing happened that night with him. Although I knew no one was going to believe that, I thought you would. Why would you get drunk over James and I having a detention! We were working until two in the morning! Beating James up is one thing, putting a spell on him so that he cannot retaliate is completely different. It was unfair! I never really hated James, and he's not trying to steal me. He didn't force me to do anything. If anything, it should be me you're blaming. It's hard not to be angry with you when I see you and Courtney making out with each other in a classroom and 2 in the morning. 

-Lily-

Before long I receive Martin's reply. 

Lily, I'm not even going to bother to respond to what you said. 

-Martin-

Martin, fine, be like that. But why don't you think things through before you accuse people?

-Lily-

I watch as Martin unfolds and reads the note. He's face is completely expressionless. I don't have time to try to read his eyes because the bell goes. At lunch I sit silently by myself. A clever Ravenclaw girl Caitlin approaches me. 

"Hi," she smiles and sits next to me. 

"Hi," I respond not looking at her. She's probably just another one of those gossipers trying to cook up a false story. 

"I just noticed you all by yourself, so I thought I'd talk to you," Caitlin says. 

"Ok…"

"In case you're wondering, I don't believe any of the rumors about you and James."

"Right…"

"I just thought you might want someone to listen to what you have to say."

"Um…"

Caitlin's cheery expression falls. "Fine. I was just trying to be nice to you." Caitlin gets up. 

"Wait, no. Let's go outside to talk," I stand up with her. 

An hour later she has the full story. 

"Ok. That's a lot more complicated than they make it out to be," Caitlin says once I've finished talking. 

"Yeah, tell me about it," I mumble. 

"Well, firstly, do you know who you want to be with out of James or Martin?"

"Not really," I frown, "But I'm kind of angrier with Martin at the moment. I think I just want to be friends with both of them."

"Ok. Maybe you should just let things go for a while. Don't try to change anything. Just let it take its own course," Caitlin suggests. 

"Yeah, probably good idea," I smile, "Thanks for talking to me."

"No problem. I'd better get ready for my next class."

"Sure, see you."

~*~*~*~*~*

"Hey, James," I hear Sirius' voice. 

I open my eyes and look up at him. I'm in hospital wing. 

"Hi," I reply. 

"Painful?"

"Yeah, a bit," I try to sit up. 

"Really, or do you mean heartache?"

I pause to think about it. "I don't know."

"Lily and Martin have broken up."

"Oh…"

"C'mon, I know you're secretly rejoicing," Sirius nudges me. 

"No, seriously, I'm not. You should have seen her when she saw Martin and Courtney. She really does like, or did like, him," I explain. 

"But you still want her, right? So now that Martin's gone-"

"No! You don't get it! It's not about me wanting Lily, it's about whether she wants me or not!" I say, exasperated. 

"Uh, ok. Since when did you become all deep about this?"

"Since now, ok?" 

"Ok… oh look who's here. It's Lily. Well, I'm just going to leave now…" Sirius winks at me as Lily enters the room. 

"Great…" I cringe. 

"Hi James," Lily forces a smile. 

"Hi," I mumble, propping myself up in my bed. 

"So…"

"Um…"

"I broke up with Martin," Lily's eyes shine with tears. 

"Yeah, Sirius told me. I'm really sorry," I shift uncomfortably. 

"And now I don't know what to do…"

"Do you still want him?" I blurt. Oh, bad move James, I say to myself. 

"Y-yes…" Lily looks up at me with her green eyes. 

"Oh…" oops, that sounds like I'm really disappointed. 

"Well, I have a brilliant idea!"

"Sirius??" Lily and I jump at his voice. 

"You've been eavesdropping!" I say in mock shock. 

"Yeah, well, whatever."

"Fine… so what's the brilliant idea of yours?" Lily asks resolutely. 

"You want Martin, and Martin hates James," Sirius says. 

"So…?" Lily and I look at each other and then back at Sirius. 

"Really guys, it's pretty obvious. Lily flirts with James, Martin gets jealous and wants Lily back. Everyone is happy," Sirius beams at Lily and I. 

"Um, Sirius, do you think that's really appropriate? Lily might not want to," I say, "Lily?" I look at Lily who's staring at the floor. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"What if Lily falls for James?"

"So? Lily likes James."

"No, but Lily said she wanted Martin back."

"Oh yeah."

"C'mon, if she really likes Martin, she'll do this for him."

"What if it hurts James?"

"It won't. They're friends now. He'll understand."

"Sure?"

"Yeah, of course. It's just a bit of acting."

"Ok… if you're sure."

"Lily?" James says, "Look, if you're not ok with it, you don't have to."

"No, I'll, I'll do it," I respond. 

"Brilliant!" Sirius says happily, "And I am officially appointing myself, Sirius Black, as your personal flirting instructor. We start tomorrow!"

"You and your stupid ideas…" James mutters before flashing me an apologetic sort of smile. 

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: sorry, pretty crappy chapter that nevertheless took ages to write. Not much of a cliff. Yay! 170+ reviews!! I love you guys. Let's try for 200 maybe? Or is that pushing it too far? Oh well, we'll see… Replies:

Arctic*saber – thanks for supplying 6 reviews!

Windowseat wonderer – not exactly a quick update, but I've been tired. Rehearsals for awards night, carols night, and a sleepover…

Ljstagflower4e – oh, right, I get it now. What's JCtigerwolf?

Dee Ann – hmn, I didn't mean for it to be funny, but hey, whatever. 

SiriusVeela – it's going to go for a lot longer than I first thought. May 30 to 40 chapters. 

Angelbud2233 – and I bet you can also guess what happens now. But don't say, don't give it away!

Simone – read my bio. Keep reading! If you do I will forever worship you. 

Crazystarz – oh, I'm sorry. You didn't exactly give me anything to reply to though. Plz review. Plz, plz, plz?¿? Don't be mean! Call me. 

Lanette – wow, you're the only person who's said they actually liked Martin. 

Clothespeg rules – I will in future include Martin getting a black. 

Cyd – blah, blah, I am so bored… where do you live? (yes, random question)

Lady-anna-bee – Lily and Martin are not quite over. 

Da-drama-queen – oh, fido's only been allowing one review per chapter for ages now. It's really annoying. I reviewed your story!


	22. Sirius and his Psycho Schedule

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO 

"Lily, Lily, wake up."

"Huh? What time is it?" I roll onto my back and open my eyes, "Sirius? What are you doing in our dorm?" I whisper frantically. 

"Shhh, just come down."

"Ugh, you idiot," I mumble as he pulls me down the stairs to face a just as confused James. 

"So, today, we begin!" Sirius announces. 

"Great, can we get some sleep?" James yawns. 

Sirius ignores James and pulls out a sheet of parchment. He clears his throat and begins, "I have planned for you a schedule. 6:26 am, wake up James, 6:28 am, wake up Lily, 6:30 am, be in common room to discuss schedule and any other important issues, 7:00 am, be dressed for breakfast together, 7: 04-" 

"What, give me that!" I say, grabbing the sheet from Sirius' hands. "This is insane," I mutter, scanning the schedule. 

_7:04 am  - leisurely walk together to breakfast while holding hands (please note to make sure other students will see this). _

_7:15 am – arrive at hall. _

_7:16 am – sit down together. _

_7:17 am – James spoons Lily her breakfast. _

_7:18 am – James spoons his own breakfast. _

_7:20 am – flirt and tease each other (still eating). _

_………………_

the list continues down to:

_9:40 pm – finish homework. _

_9:42 pm - sit in front of fire together. _

_9:50 pm – James feeds chocolate into Lily's mouth. _

_9:54 pm – James wraps arms around Lily's waist from behind her and plays with her hair. _

_9:54.5 pm – James kisses Lily on the neck.  _

_9:54.75 pm – Lily turns to reply the kiss.  _

_9:55 pm – James and Lily start kissing passionately. _

"Sirius!" I say, thrusting the parchment back to him. 

"What?" Sirius says blankly. 

"You're crazy. James and I don't need every minute of the day planned out with what we're going to do and how we're going to flirt!" 

"What? Give me that!" James grabs the schedule and raises his eyebrows. 

"Hey, that took a lot of effort!" Sirius moans as James folds it into a plane a flies it out the window. 

~*~*~*~*~*

Lily and I walk to breakfast holding hands, making sure to take the path that has the most students. I can't believe we're actually vaguely following Sirius' schedule. 

"Hey, there's Martin," Sirius whispers at us. 

Martin glances across at James and me. James quickly reaches for a strawberry and feeds it into my mouth. 

"Yes, keep going, he's still looking," Sirius murmurs. 

I giggle. "This is ridiculous! No James, not another one, I can't eat that fast!"

"Ok, he's stopped watching." 

"Good," I say, wiping strawberry juice from my face where James has missed my mouth. I feel a tap on my shoulder. 

"Oh, hi Caitlin," I say as I turn around. 

"Hi Lily," Caitlin smiles and looks at James and me, somewhat confused. 

"I'll be right back," I hug James and rise out of my seat. 

"So, you made a decision," Caitlin comments. 

"Yeah."

"You guys already seem really close."

"What? Oh, no, you've got it wrong," I say quickly, realizing she thinks I'm with James. 

"So, you chose Martin?"

"Yeah. And I'm flirting with James-"

"-so that Martin will get jealous and realize he still likes you!" Caitlin finishes for me. 

"Yep."

"I better get back, Sirius has a whole schedule planned out for us," I say. 

"Schedule?" Caitlin says, frowning. 

"Don't even ask…" I mutter. 

"Ok… look, just be careful. Don't fall for James. You don't know whether he's really trying to get you."

"Hmn?"

"He still likes you. And maybe this whole plan is so that you will fall for him, not so that you will have Martin back," Caitlin explains what she means. 

"Oh, right. Don't worry. He doesn't like me anymore. We're just friends. I trust him," I reply confidently. 

"Alright, whatever you say. See you," Caitlin walks back to her table. 

~*~*~*~*~*

After breakfast, I walk with Lily to our classroom, making sure that Martin is getting all of it. He's chatting to some other guys, but occasionally glances expressionlessly in our direction. We take a seat and I write to Sirius. 

Me: I know you didn't come up with this plan so that Lily could have Martin back. I know you hate him as much as I do. 

_Sirius: Fine, busted. I came up with this plan so that Lily would realize how great it is to be with you. _

_Me: What?? How can you do that? She trusts us. _

_Sirius: But it won't be our fault when she falls for you. _

_Me: Argh…_

_Sirius: You know you want her back. _

_Me: Throw this up and don't let her read it. We are only doing this for her, ok? We are not doing this so that she'll fall for me. _

_Sirius: But if she does, it's not our fault, right?_

_Me: She's not going to fall for me. You can see how she looks at me. Lily and I are only friends. _

_Sirius: It hurts to know that, doesn't it? It hurts to have to do this for her. It would hurt so much less if you make her fall for you. _

_Me: No, that's not true. It would hurt to know that we're only pretending, but it would hurt more if I was actually trying to change her mind and she thought I was trying to help her. _

_Sirius: I do not understand you anymore. _

_Me: Then you have never understood loving someone. _

_Sirius: Ok, you're scaring me now. _

_Me: I'm scaring myself too…_

I'm taking a walk by myself to clear my mind when I hear hushed voices. 

"So they're going out?" it sounds like Bertha's voice. 

"I don't know. I guess so," that sounds like Remus. Oh yeah, they're going out. At least they were. 

"My brother loves Lily."

"So does James!"

"So you're standing up for him?"

"Well yeah, he's my friend."

"Martin is my brother!"

"What has this got to do with us?"

"Everything. I can't go out with you knowing that your friend James is taking Lily from my brother and that you're not doing anything to stop it," Bertha's voice heats up with annoyance. 

"What can I do? In case you haven't noticed, no one tells James what to do," Remus responds sounding just as annoyed. 

"Fine!"

"Fine what?"

"It's over."

"What? Just because my friend and your brother are fighting?"

"Yes."

"What? That's the most ridiculous reasoning I have ever heard."

"So you're calling me ridiculous."

"Kind of."

"Fine."

I hide in the shadows as an angry looking Bertha strides past. Remus comes round the corner in a few minutes and walks straight into me. 

"Um…" 

"Yeah, I overheard. Look, thanks for sticking up for me," I say. 

"No problem."

"But the thing is-"

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: sorry, I just had to make some sort of a cliff. I think you can probably figure out what James is going to say anyways. I'll upload this even though I don't have 200 reviews yet, just because I'm such a nice person. Replies:

Angelbud2233 – now James has done some eavesdropping too…

Marion – stop giving my plot away. I have reviewed your story. Call me if you're bored (or even if you're not…)

Dee Ann – another mini cliff, plz don't kill me. 

Ljstagflower4e – if I got them together so fast, there wouldn't be a story, would there?

Crazyswimmer27 – oh yeah, thanks for reminding me - I will try to include more characters. 

Windowseat wonderer – ok, ok… (not much of an interesting reply)

Padfoots angellover – we all know frogs go la di da di da, la di da di da, la di da di da… ok, I'll stop being weird now…

xxGinnyxx – I don't know why she would want Martin back, but she obviously doesn't want James at the moment. And Martin was a good bf. 

Kittiy – are you kidding or serious, I can't tell. 

Cyd – sorry, when I read that I could totally hear someone saying it with the accent and all that they use in movies!

Miss fred – 200 reviews was a suggestion, not a command. Toe is like forcing us to review! I'm not doing that, I am merely setting goals. 


	23. Spur of the Moment

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

"- I'm not really going out with Lily," I say. 

"What?" Remus looks very confused. 

"This is all a set up so that Martin ends up with Lily."

Remus continues to look baffled. 

"I didn't realize that Bertha would dump you for that."

"No, it's ok. We weren't really close or anything," Remus seems to have gotten over the shock. 

"Ok. C'mon, let's get back to the common room."

~*~*~*~*~*

            Dear Lily, Do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me tomorrow? I've already checked – Martin will be there. Reply soon. James

            James, Sure. Let's meet in the common room at 9:30am. Lily

James and I arrive in Hogsmeade at 10. We head straight for Zonko's. Martin is there too. We queue up in front of him to make sure he sees us. James slides his arm around my waist. I can feel Martin's eyes on my back. He coughs, and we turn around to see him leaving. 

"Looks like we got him," James says, grinning. 

"Yeah." 

We stand in silence for a while. 

"Um, James."

"Oh, sorry," he blushes and withdraws his arm from around my waist.  

We spend the whole day 'accidentally' running into Martin. Most of the time he remains expressionless and walks away. When Martin isn't around, we go round the shops, pulling pranks on unsuspecting customers and shopkeepers. Eventually we are kicked out of most of the shops. 

"There's something I want to show you," James grabs my hand and leads me away from the shops. "Close your eyes."

"Where are we going?" I ask. 

"You'll find out." 

He leads me a little further. I can feel we are going uphill. We stop where the wind blows in my face.  

"Now open your eyes," he whispers in my ear. 

I open my eyes to the most beautiful view. We're standing on top of a hill facing west where the sun is setting. At the foot of the hill there is a pond where the sunlight reflects off it. 

"Do you like it?" James asks. 

"It's beautiful," I reply. 

We sit down on the grass. 

"You cold?"

"A bit," I reply. 

I notice Martin at the bottom of the hill. He's pretending to watch the ducks on the water but I know he can see us. James wraps his arms around me and we sit in silence watching the sunset. 

~*~*~*~*~*

Lily and I sit on the hill, watching the sun. Well, she's watching the sun, but I'm not. I stare at Lily. Her hair is streaked with gold and red like the sunset and her eyes are green as the grass. I have my arms wrapped around her and she leans comfortably into me. I pluck a white flower and slide it into Lily's hair. This has got to be the most romantic moment I have ever had. Except for the fact that Martin is at the pond watching us. I try to ignore him. 

"Wow, this is so beautiful," Lily murmurs. 

"You're so beautiful," I whisper in her ear. 

She turns around and looks into my eyes. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"You're so beautiful," James whispers. 

I turn around and look in his eyes. They glow amber from the sun. I smile. 

"Thank you."

"Don't have to thank me," James pulls me closer, his eyes melting my mind. 

~*~*~*~*~*

I pull Lily closer. I can't let her go. She doesn't want me to let her go. I shouldn't be doing this, I tell myself. I shouldn't, but I can't help it. Pushing guilty thoughts out of the way, and Lily's hair from her face, I let our lips meet. 

~*~*~*~*~*

Spur of the moment. I've never known what that meant until now. I don't think, I don't hesitate - I just let it happen. Before I know it, I let him hold me, I let him roll over onto me and run his hand down my spine, and I let myself kiss him. 

"Lily…" his voice echoes in my head as he runs his hand down to my hips, sending shock waves up my body. I can feel his body against mine, his lips on mine, and his tongue sliding gently into my mouth. James moves his hand from my hip and the shock waves die down, and my thoughts clear up again. 

Martin is at the bottom of the hill.  

Martin is still watching us. 

I open my eyes to see Martin turning to walk away and the moment is gone. James stops and loosens his hold on me. Neither of us moves. Neither of us looks at the other. Until I feel water on my face. James is crying. 

"James?"

~*~*~*~*~*

I feel like she wants me, I feel like she doesn't want me to let her go - until she remembers Martin and stops. Who am I kidding? She's only doing this for Martin. She doesn't want me. And I'm taking advantage of her. Guilt overcomes me and I can't help the tears that slide down my face onto her cheeks. 

"James?"

"Lily, oh god, I am so sorry," I say, noticing I am still on top of her and pulling away instantly. 

Her eyes search mine. 

"It's ok James. We… we shouldn't be doing this," she wipes my tears with the back of her hand. 

"We should go," she says, standing up and pulling me to my feet. 

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: 200+ reviews!!! Yay! Sweet chapter? Ah… they are falling for each other. Are we all happy now? It's not over yet. Martin is not bye-byes yet… hehe. I enjoy torturing you… replies:

Crazyswimmer22 being a bit lazy – so what do you want to happen with Remus? Tell me and I'll try to include it. Foxy Wolf thinks he should like Lily again. What do you think?

Shadowfox991 – not exactly the quickest update here but I'm trying. Hope you like this chapter. 

Angelbud2233 – Sirius does some eavesdropping next. 

Dee Ann – no cliff. Aw… I didn't want to torture you too much…

Phredtheflyingmonkey – everything?? I'm flattered. 

Tori-black – why are you confused? Btw, I'm changing the plot slightly. Hope you don't mind. 

Kittiy – ok, now that sounds like you're joking. 

Mika-mitch – Lily's starting to realize stuff now. 

You know you're right – it wasn't that much of a cliff. I bet you could've guessed what James was going to say. 

Windowseat wonderer – nice long review you gave me (electra gives ww a sarcastic look)

Lanette – martin is just some poor love struck guy like James. Only that James is hotter. 

Cyd – how did we like this chappie? Lily finally does some interesting stuff with James. 

Hollow headed Hamster – a jealous drunken mouse? He, that's funny. Bertha makes me think of a pumpkin. 

Miss Fred – the email reply was much appreciated and so was this review. Miss SARS has sent a reply to the agenda and is now searching for some citrus fruit repellent. 

Simmy – yeah, I was in Sydney so I couldn't update. Keep reading!

Foxy Wolf – good, idea. I'll try to include it. 

Lady-anna-bee – leave Martin? We couldn't just abandon him like that, now could we? That would be cruel.


	24. Doing The Right Thing

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

AN: ok, so we're all asking why poor Jamsie is crying. It's because he realizes how f*cking much he loves Lily, and how he can't have her, and how… how he's taking advantage of her and feels slightly guilty and a bunch of other stuff. So are we getting it? Good. :)

~*~*~*~*~*

James and I are avoiding each other. It's funny now that he's not around me I feel so… empty. When I fall asleep, the moment replays in my head, again, and again, and again… and I don't know what to do. I feel so guilty about doing this to Martin, but it James and I… it just felt so right at that moment. 

            Dear James, hi, yes, it's me. Just writing to say… well, we have to end this. I can't keep doing this to Martin. I'm so sorry. Thank you for everything. 

_-Lily-_

_            Dear Lily, I understand. I'm really sorry for kissing you. Sorry. _

_-James-_

"Lily?" I look up from James' note. It's… Martin?

"Um, hi Martin," I crunch up the parchment in my hand, hiding it from Martin's view. 

"I-" we both start talking at the same time. 

"You go first."

"Ok," I take a deep breath, "I'm really sorry about… everything. James and I, we're not really together. I was only doing it because I wanted to you miss me. I wanted you to want me back. But then I knew I was hurting you, so I stopped. And…" I've run out of words. 

"You kissed him."

"But it was really you that I wanted to be kissing," I reply. Something nags at the back of my mind, but I ignore it. 

"Lily, are you sure?"

_No, no you're not._

"Yes." 

_Conscience, go away. I don't need you right now. _

"Ok. I'm… I'm sorry too," Martin pulls me into a hug. I squeeze the note in my left hand. I hope I'm doing the right thing. 

~*~*~*~*~* 

"Lily is with Martin," Sirius says.   

"I know," I answer dispiritedly. 

"So the plan worked her way."

"I know."

"And… she didn't fall for you."

"I know…"

"Prongs?"

"Yes?"

"I usually don't say this, but are you ok?"

"Yes…"

"No, you're not. I can tell."

"Fine, I'm not."

"You wish she had, don't you?"

"She had what?"

"Fallen for you."

I hesitate. "No… yes…"

"I'm sorry mate."

"Not your fault."

  
My head's full of thoughts   
Thoughts of you   
And I'm distracted so easy   
Thinking what to do   
So unsure, so unfamiliar   
Am I wrong to think that something could happen   
  
Will you fall for me   
I need to know, the way I'd like you to   
Baby, will you fall for me   
The way I've fallen for you   
  
I'm not like myself   
And I'm playing the role of someone else   
And my hearts beating so fast   
I can't stop it   
And I'm so unsure   
So unfamiliar   
Am I wrong to think that something could happen   
  
Will you fall for me   
The way I'd like you to   
Will you fall for me   
The way I've fallen for you   
The way I've fallen for you   
The way I've fallen for you   
  
Fallen for, fallen for you   
  
For you..   
  
So unsure, so unfamiliar   
Am I wrong to think,   
That something could happen   
Was I wrong to think I   
  
Will you fall for me   
The way I'd like you to   
Will you fall for me   
The way I've fallen for you   
The way I've fallen for you   
The way I've fallen for you

(Song: Delta Goodrem's 'Will You Fall For Me' taken from 'Innocent Eyes' album)

I hate it when you've fallen so deeply for someone, and they don't have a clue. They don't know they're driving you insane. (AN: yes, ali, toe, mia, sim, what you're thinking at the moment is right. At the moment, James is me.)

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: oh, poor James. I feel sorry for him. I'm kind of at a block, so I just took a song to put in. Sorry bout this crappy chapter. 

I don't have time for individual replies today, but thank you to everyone who reviewed. Really appreciated. Keep reading, I promise it gets happier. At the moment it gets quite sentimental and stuff. 


	25. Bits of Parchment

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Lily and Martin are standing almost right in front of me, kissing. I breathe in sharply as Martin moves his hand down Lily's back and plants a kiss on her neck. Lily glances across and our eyes meet. She pulls away from Martin and heads for her dormitory, pressing a note into my hand as she passes. 

Why are you sorry? Lily

As the days pass we keep passing replies although we never talk. 

_It was wrong of me. But it's just that it felt so right for me at the time. James_

_            I know. Lily_

Sirius leans over my shoulder. 

"Ooh, she knows… what does she know?"

I show Sirius the notes. 

"You're doing this behind Martin's back?"

"Yeah."

"Ooh, very good."

"I don't know what to reply," I say, resting my head in my hands. 

"You mean you know what you want to say, you just don't know if you should let her know," Sirius corrects. 

"How do you know?"

"Why else am I your best friend?"

"I need some space to think," I say, pulling out our map and heading for the tunnel leading to Hogsmeade. 

"I'll cover for you," Sirius responds and lies back in the armchair. 

I arrive in Hogsmeade. All the shops are closed. I climb the hill that I took Lily up, and sit down to watch the sunset on my own. 

            Dear Lily, I am sitting on our hill, watching the sunset - watching the sunset and thinking of you. I can't find the right words to put down how I feel. Your electric eyes pierce my heart, your voice haunts my dreams and your smile blinds me. So blindly in love even though I cannot have you. It hurts just to see you, to think of you, even to read your handwriting, but I don't want the pain to ever cease. I smile when you laugh, though I know the laughter is not for me. Love hurts, yes it kills. I love you Lily, I love you…

_-James-_

I pocket the note. I'm not going to give this to her, I think to myself. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"Caitlin, hi!"

"Lily, hey!"

"Do you have time?"

"Sure, what's up?"

We sit under a tree. 

"It worked, I'm with Martin again."

"I can tell."

"But something's not right. He… he's perfect and all, but it's different from when James and I were pretending to date."

"How do you mean?"

"When he kisses me, it doesn't feel right. I just… I always pull away."

"But it didn't feel right with James either, did it?" Caitlin looks worried. 

"No, most of the time it was just… fun. But there was this one time at Hogsmeade when he kissed me. I… I don't know, it felt so right at the time…"

"Oh no!"

"What?" I jump in surprise.  

"You've fallen for him."

"James?"

"Yes."

"No way."

"Yes way, I can see it in your eyes."

I look away quickly. 

"I can hear it in your voice. You wish you could like Martin, but you don't."

"That's not true!" I say, standing up, "James doesn't even like me in that way."

"He does… Just think about it," Caitlin stands up and leaves me tangled in my own thoughts. 

"Ok, class dismissed. Evans, I would like to speak to you briefly."

Everyone rushes out of transfiguration as fast as they can. I walk up to the professor's desk. James rushes to pack all his books but ends up dropping them all, papers flying everywhere. We both kneel to pick up his stuff. James mutters under his breath as he gathers his books. Something catches my eye. A piece of parchment scrawled with green writing. The first word I see is my name. I glance at James. He doesn't notice as I pocket the note and stack the last of his books in his arms. 

"Thanks," he mutters, avoiding my eyes. 

"No problem," I reply. His eyes snap up as my hand brushes fleetingly against his arm. 

"Evans, I would just like to discuss with you about your previous illness."

"Yes professor."

"Have there been any similar symptoms lately?"

"No, professor."

"Good, good. If there is anything, please make sure to inform myself and the nurse."

"Of course professor."

"Very well, you may go."

I leave the classroom and unfold James' note. 

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: cliffy?? Yes, once again the oh-evil-writer leaves her readers in an awful state of suspense, expectation, tension, anticipation, and apprehension… (I've run out of synonyms now…) anyway, let's try to get to 250 reviews shall we? Would we all like replies? Yes? Here they are. 

Windowseat wonderer – yes, we are getting to the hooking up with James process. 

Crazy Starz – ali, a crush is a brief sudden sexual attraction to someone of the opposite sex, most commonly occurred within teenagers and based on the grounds of sexual appearance and or appeal. I do not have a crush. Fine, I have fallen in like or love then. Whatever. I don't care if people know. I don't care anymore. But that doesn't mean you should go letting everyone know. Thank you for your concern. Much appreciated. You are not insane, I am the one who is crazy. 

Darkening Sky – yes, Lily is a bit deluded at the moment. 

Cassie – happy Christmas to you too and happy New Year. 

Shadow Fox 991– you're going to have to wait for the next update because I'm going away for a week soon. 

EVERYONE, BELATED XMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR. 

MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION: NO CHOCOLATE FOR A DAY! YES, FOR ME THAT'S VERY HARD…

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION: GET LILY WITH JAMES! 

KEEP REVIEWING. LOVE YOU!

-Electra*27- 


	26. Caitlin Was Right

CHAPTER (UH… WHAT CHAPTER AM I UP TO?) TWENTY-SIX (I THINK)

"Hey Lily."

Just as I am about to open the note, Martin comes up behind me. 

"Oh, hi," I turn around and shove the note randomly into my stack of textbooks, "Let's go to lunch."

"Sure." 

~*~*~*~*~*

At the moment I am thinking oh sh*t, oh sh*t, oh sh*t! I can't find the note anywhere. I know I put it into my diary, but now it's gone. I went back to the classroom but it wasn't there. Right then, other possible places it could be:

Maybe it's up in my dormitory, safe and sound. Some thing tells me it's not though. 

Maybe I accidentally dropped it in the bin and the elves emptied the bin, my note to be found in a dump hundreds of years later. 

Maybe Sirius took it as a practical joke to scare me. That's definitely possible. 

Maybe I'm slightly delusional and never even wrote the note in the first place and I'm just imagining things. 

Maybe an invisible parchment-eating monster came up and ate it without me knowing. 

Maybe I should just get to the most obvious explanation: Lily picked it up when I dropped my books. Great, just great…

~*~*~*~*~*

I dump my books on a table and start the twelve-inch essay for History of Magic. It's midnight and I'm still working on the essay, racking my brains for ideas. Martin comes and kisses me goodnight and heads up to his dormitory. 

One thirty and I have four inches to go… two fifteen and I have two inches to go… 

Someone slams something on the table and I jerk awake, blinking my tired eyes. I don't know how late I stayed up last night. I force my eyes to focus on the person on the other side of the table. Martin. 

"Martin? What's up?"

He doesn't say anything, but just turns and walks out the portrait hole. There's a piece of parchment Martin left on the table. I pick it up and start reading. 

Love hurts, yes it kills. I love you Lily, I love you…

James' green scrawl etches itself into my memory as I sit in shock for a while. This cannot be happening. People are gradually waking up and heading down into the common room. Someone stops at my table. I look up at James, whose eyes fill with a horrified expression before staggering away. 

"Caitlin, you were right."

"About what?"

"About everything," I show Caitlin the note and explain everything. 

"How's Martin about this?"

"Well I wouldn't know, would I?"

Caitlin frowns. 

"I haven't seen him all day," I mumble. 

"And James?"

"I don't know. I haven't talked to him all day either."

"But you'll have to at quidditch training," Caitlin points out. 

"No I won't," I say stubbornly. 

"Well that's going to be hard. Anyway, you still haven't told me."

"Told you what?"

"Oh come on Lily, you know what I mean. Who do you like?"

"I like them both."

"Who do you love?"

"Neither."

"Fine, who do you think you would best love?"

I turn away, too scared to answer the question. 

"Lily?"

"Yes, you were right, it's James. I can't put up with Martin, I can't pretend to like him anymore."

~*~*~*~*~*

Why is it my worst fears are always confirmed? Lily read the note. LILY READ THE NOTE!  Wait, Lily is walking towards me. Lily just dropped a note on my lap. 

               _I'm really sorry James. I had no idea until I read your note. If I hadn't picked it up you weren't ever going to give it to me, were you? I remember what it was like when we were pretending. Only that now I realize that neither of us needed to pretend. I don't love you right now, but I think that I could love you if I let myself. I'm sorry. I don't deserve you. _

_–Lily- _

~*~*~*~*~*

Martin left this morning. He's traveling to Russia right now. We never even said goodbye. 

**END OF YEAR BALL** Years four to seven only. Food, drinks, music and more! 

**Student performances please sign up with your house head. **

**Tickets sold by walking suits of armor in all corridors. **

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: sorry you had to wait so long for the update. I was in Queensland for a while with no Internet. Anyways, I bet you can all guess what happens next. Sort of a predictable chapter. 250+ reviews! You guys rock! You would rock more if you went on fictionpress.com and reviewed archeima's stuff. (That's not a threat or anything) Replies:

Windowseat wonderer – oh, I am so cruel. I couldn't update soon cuz I was away with friends. 

Darkening sky – mumbling to yourself is bad for you. 

Crazy starz – what colour is the hammer? I can't really give you the reply I want to give right now cuz otherwise other ppl can read it. I will call you and tell you, um, 'goss'. 

Cyd – damn, I forgot to describe the huge bulging of Lily's eyes. 

Lady-anna-bee – Sirius is w/ Shana though. D'u want me to break them up?

Pualm-my-luv – yay! I have a devoted fan. Thanks. 

Cassie – are we happy now she's picked James?

Tweedledummm – sorry, can't be bothered changing the case on your name. Yeah, I really should make longer chaps. 

Shadowfox991 – a little more than a wk, but whatever. 

Dee ann – um… sorry, currently unable to reply due to dying brain. 

Dangerously in Love – yay! Lists, I like that. 

xxGinnyxx – tension is good. 

Padfoots-angellover – getting better? Some chapters are a bit crappy though. 

Flying-piggy-123 – yay, another new reader!

Marisa – oh, well some of my friends find it confusing. 

Gina – sorry, I'm running out of interesting replies for people… uh… vote Patrick or Ian. (Random I know, but just pick one, ok?)

Crimson girl – thanks for the ideas, but tori made up half the plot for me already, so what's happening is already planned. Yay, I like being on lists. 

Kittiy – mayb cuz it sounds like ur kidding?

Funkywitchonfire – really good huh? Let's go read some more 'really good' stuff on fiction press. 

Hollow headed hamster – yes, he is gone now. But not quite, Martin comes up again later. 

Harry foreva - HOW CAN U HATE CHOCOLATE??

Clothespeg-rules – tell me when u've updated so that I remember to read ur fic. 

Marion – hmph! Very slack marion. Just not good enough. Hehe, update ur fic soon. 

Angie – you don't think I caould do a betta job? Wow. I do. Suspense is good. Mwahahahaha!

THANKS ESPECIALLY TO THOSE WHO PUT ME ON THEIR LISTS. I would name you all, but I can't be bothered typing all your names out. 

LUV YA ALL!

-Electra*27- 


	27. Tradition of Verbal Silence

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

            Lily, I… I just don't know how to reply. I don't want you to like me just because you know I love you. If loving me doesn't make you happy, I'm not going to force you. –James-

_            I don't know if it's going to make me happy or not, we'll have to try to find out. Martin left. –Lily-_

_            I'm sorry Martin left being angry with you because of me. –James-_

_            It's not your fault. –Lily-_

_            Maybe you should try writing to him. –James-_

_            I want to, but I'm scared he won't reply, or I'm scared of receiving his reply. I don't know what to write. It's so cliché when you ask to be friends with someone, but you know it'll never be the same again. –Lily-_

_            I'm not exactly great with writing notes like that. Hey, um shouldn't we talk? I mean, we've been writing notes for a week now, but we're ignoring each other. That's kind of weird don't you think? –James-_

_            So we're breaking the wonderfully established tradition of verbal silence?  –Lily-_

_            Uh, yep, basically. I can't date you via notes. –James-_

_            Um, who said we were dating? –Lily-_

_            No one. Fine, let me rephrase, how can I ask you out via notes? –James-_

_            Simple, you just write: 'Lily, will you go out with me?' It's really not that scary, I promise. –Lily-_

James is going to _talk_ to me. I was getting to like this whole ignoring each other but passing notes thing. I know, it sounds weird. Poor Remus, having to run back and forth passing our notes. Oh, here he comes now. 

"Hey Remus."

"Uh, hey Lily," he passes me a note. 

"Thanks. Thanks for passing notes between us two crazy people."

"No problem. Um, James really wants to talk to you though."

"Oh really? Did he tell you that?"

"No, but I know he does."

"Thanks."

_Please Lil, just let me talk to you, I can't stand ignoring you, and you know it. It's so hard having to play quidditch with you without communicating to you.  –James-_

_            Oh, so I'm not worth the effort? :P  –Lily-  ps- 'Lil'??_

_            Lily, please? –James-_

_            Ok, before quidditch practice on Thursday? –Lily-_

_            Sounds great. In the meantime, we just keep writing? –James-_

_            Yeah, keep writing. –Lily-_

~*~*~*~*~*

I'm standing in the change room, and I'm shaking from nervousness. More nervous than any quidditch game. I have any idea what I'm going to say to Lily. Well, I really should start getting some sort of an idea since she's walking towards me right now. She stops in front of me and we both stare at each other in silence. 

"Hi," I say. 

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Hi."  (AN: I dedicate this section to Alison and myself)

"Can we stop saying 'hi'?" Lily frowns. 

I take a deep breath. "Ok, this is really weird."

"Tell me about it. It was you who wanted to talk though, so the weirdness really is your fault."

Not a good start. "Uh, ok."

"So that's all you wanted to say?" Lily turns away. 

"No!" I fall to my knees (yes, cheesy I know) and grab her hand, "Lily, I wanted to come so I could tell you I…" I cannot believe that I, James Potter, am totally going against my reputation, "I…" don't be stupid Potter, just say it, "I love you Lily. I really do."

"I know…" she murmurs. 

"Lily, please come to the ball with me. Please say you'll give me a chance." I cannot believe it. My eyes are watering. Wow, so are hers. 

"First you're going to have to get off the floor," Lily replies smiling. 

"I love you Lily, I love you!" I yell, jumping up and pulling her into me, looking down into her eyes, my arms around her waist. 

"I never said yes," Lily points out. I'm crushed for a moment. But then Lily puts her arms round my neck and pulls me into a passionate kiss. 

"God, James Potter, I hate you. You drive me crazy. Shit, I think I could love you," Lily whispers. 

"So is it a yes?" I ask. 

"Yes," Lily smiles, running her hand through my hair as I run my hands around her waist. 

I could do a victory dance - not that Lily is a victory as such. I love her, I love her, and she could love me too. 

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: so are we happy they are now together. Sorry guys, but Martin's not completely bye-byes yet… you'll have to stay tuned to find out what he does. Review replies:

Clothespeg_rules – I think I've read chap 7. If I reviewed it I did read it. 

Windowseat wonderer – it's not the end yet. There's still maybe four or so chapters left. Lily's not in love yet. 

Lanette – yeah. No criticisms?? Wow. 

Paulm_my_luv – sorry, all my chapters are a bit short, aren't they?

Harryforeva – it's impossible! Chocolate! CHOCOLATE! I really don't understand how you can hate it. 

xxGinnyxx – they're kinda together, but Lily's not in love yet. 

Crazy Starz – How can I spill goss to half the world if I don't know half the world?? Call me like you were supposed to last night. I refuse to be used as a goss provider. 

Marauder marion – no, sorry, martin leaving is not for good. I've read ch 2 of your journals story. 

Catherine24 – yay! I love the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy!

Silent midnight – everyone always seems to be confused with the beginning. 

Tanya J Potter – I don't plan to jump off a cliff or anything, but yes, I will take care. 

Shadowfox991 – yes, everyone says that a lot. Hope the wait wasn't too long. 

????????????????? – I think that was the right no. of '?'s. yes, martin was with someone. 

Lililvr – I think I'll have it just til they fall in love. At the moment lily doesn't love james. I have another story, but it's Hermione/Draco. 

FB Slim – yours?? Hmn… which story is yours? I can't remember. I'll go read it. 

HEY, ALL YOU WONDERFUL REVIEWERS, I HAVE A NEW STORY. IT'S HERMIONE/DRACO. HOPE YOU'LL ALL FIND THE TIME TO READ AND REVIEW IT! 270 REVIEWS!! YAY! LET'S SAY, UM… 285 FOR THE NEXT UPDATE? LET'S TRY. 

-Electra*27- 


	28. Do Not Buy Tickets From a Stalking Suit ...

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

"Two tickets for the ball please."

The suit of armor looks at me funny. 

"Two?"

"Yes, two."

"That'll be six sickles please."

I hand him some money and wait while he searches for change. 

"Why would you want to go to the ball?" he mutters. 

"Because I asked a girl to go."

"Odd really, who would want to pay for hanging around in a noisy hall for a few hours," he whacks me on the head with his sword. 

"Food? Music?" I say, rubbing my head. Great now I'm going to have a stupid bruise. "What did you hit me for?"

The suit of armor sniffs. "Reality check, walking suits of armor don't eat. I can hardly hear anything through this helmet."

"Reality check, I am not a suit of armor. Can I have my tickets now? I'm going to be late for class."

"Oh so you worry more about class than a poor lonely suit of armor. Fine, be like that."

"I will be like that if I could just get my tickets!" I say, getting really annoyed - so much effort just for tickets. 

"What am I? Your personal slave?" the suit of armor huffs as he hands me one ticket. 

I wouldn't want a personal slave like you, I think to myself. 

"Ungrateful…" he mutters, handing me the second ticket and my change. 

"Thanks," I say, running off for class. 

I burst into the classroom and all heads turn to face me. 

"Potter!"

"Sorry I'm late professor. A walking suit of armor hit me over the head in the corridor," I say, and all the Slytherins snigger. 

I don't think the mild concussion has anything to do with the fact that Lily looks absolutely amazing. She's wearing a short green halter neck dress that shows off her body and long legs. Her hair falls over her shoulders and there's glitter on her face. 

"Wow, you look amazing," I murmur, offering her my hand. 

"You don't look too bad either," she smiles, taking my hand. "I made this dress myself."

"Really? That's pretty cool," I reply. "Close your eyes."

"Huh?"

"Just close them." Lily obediently shuts them and I reach into my pocket. I bought her an emerald flower to clip in her hair from Hogsmeade. 

"Thanks James," she smiles and slides it into her curls. 

~*~*~*~*~*

"Ah, so it's you again eh? That's the girl?" a random suit of armor starts talking to us. 

James sighs, "Let me make introductions. Lily, this is random suit of armor that whacked me over the head, random suit of armor who takes ages to give me tickets, this is my date Lily. Bye."

James steers me away from the suit of armor as I laugh. 

"What?"

"You have a suit of armor stalking you!"

"He's not stalking me."

"Sure, whatever you say."

"C'mon, let's dance."

James pulls me onto the dance floor. 

~*~*~*~*~*

Ah!!! I am dancing with Lily Evans! I have my arm around her waist! I cannot believe this! Sirius and Shana are dancing next to us. Sirius keeps grinning and giving me the thumbs up sign.  

"Hey, James, I've got to get something, I'll be back," Lily says and I reluctantly let her go. I find a place to sit and watch some of the student performances. Some guy finishes his performance and we all clap politely. It wasn't really that good. I go to get drinks. 

'Doing everything that I believe in   
Going by the rules that I've been taught   
More understanding of what's around me   
And protected from the walls of love'

Is this a student performance? 'Cause whoever it is can really sing.  _  
  
_

_'All that you see is me   
And all I truly believe' _

Wait, I know that voice. 

'That I was born to try   
I've learned to love   
Be understanding   
And believe in life   
But you've got to make choices   
Be wrong or right   
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like   
But I was born to try' 

I take the drinks and turn around. A red haired girl in muggle clothing is on stage. She's wearing a cream halter neck and brown pants. The red haired girl is… Lily?! 

'No point in talking what you should have been   
And regretting the things that went on   
Life's full of mistakes, destinies and fate   
Remove the clouds look at the bigger picture   
  
And all that you see is me   
And all I truly believe   
That I was born to try   
I've learned to love 

Be understanding   
And believe in life   
But you've got to make choices   
Be wrong or right   
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like   
But I was born to try'

Lily walks down the steps on the stage and the crowd parts to let her through.  

'All that you see is me   
All I truly believe   
All that you see is me   
And all I truly believe   
That I was born to try   
I've learned to love   
Be understanding   
And believe in life   
But you've got to make choices   
Be wrong or right   
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like   
But I was born to try'

Omg, Lily is right in front of me now.  

'But you've got to make choices   
Be wrong or right   
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like   
But I was born to try'

Lily smiles at me and lowers the microphone. I have no idea what to say. 

"Lily…" is all I manage to say. 

Lily hands the microphone to Courtney and pulls me into a kiss. Everyone cheers loudly, even the suit of armor at the door. Ok, he's definitely stalking me. 

~*~*~*~*~*

(Song: 'Born to Try' by Delta Goodrem)

AN: pretty crappy chapter, sorry. I couldn't think of anything else interesting to happen at the ball. Please read and review my other story if you have time. Anyways, replies. Let's try over 300 for the next update, okkies??

Paulm-my-luv – yes, I agree, madness. Ban for a month? I could never do that. Just a day was hard for me. 

Angelbud2233 – too bad Martin isn't completely bye byes, eh?

Marion – yeh, I will write more. 

Crazy Starz – yes, I'm very glad for all the reviews you have supplied for my stuff. The votes are currently like 10-0 favoring Mr I Flu. I'm gonna call u. 

 Lililvr – I think they're kinda in love now. Read my other story while waiting for updates. 

Dee Ann – yes, sorry, Martin is gonna be back in the story soon. :(

Puppies144 – thx!

Catherine24 – finally wat?

xxGinnyxx – no, Martin doesn't come back to them, but he does come up again in the story. 

Hollow Headed Hamster – from now on, my review replies r gonna use HHH as ur name, cuz otherwise it takes too long to type ur name. I refuse to kill ppl in my story!

Buccaneerbabe14 – zoe, put ur stuff up, n wen u do, tell me cuz I'll 4get to check. Thx for multiple reviews!

Cyd – ah, Lily hates James because she thinks she could love him, n she used to think he was annoying, but now she doesn't, getit? It's like the 'hate to love someone' sorta thing. It's a bit confusing. 

Lady-anna-bee – how was vacation? Where did u go?

PPLZ, THX SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! YAY! 

-Electra*27-


	29. What Are You Doing Here?

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE 

This could be the best time of my life. If you're wondering, I didn't play a particularly funny prank on anyone. Hard to believe, I know. Sirius didn't give me a thousand galleons and Snape didn't slip in his own grease and break is neck. So what could possibly be better than any of those? Well, for one thing I will never have to attend school again and I got my NEWTs, but what I'm really excited about is that Lily is LIVING with me. Ok, so she's only been here for a day, but still, I can tell it's going to be great. It's just one of those things, you know? Life is _just peachy_. 

~*~*~*~*~*

It's a nice sort of muggle flat – 6A to be more exact, top level facing north looking down onto the residential pool. It's really just perfect. James and I are still moving some stuff in but we're pretty much done. 

"Lily," James' voice comes from the doorway. 

"Yes?" I finish putting things into the bookshelf. 

"Come to bed, get some rest."

"I'm nearly done James. Just let me finish."

"Too bad," James sweeps me off the chair I'm standing on and carries me to our bedroom, letting me down on the bed. 

"That was very mean, you know," I say in mock annoyance. 

"Oh, aren't I nasty?" James grins. 

"Yes," I reply, my back turned to him. 

"Don't I get a goodnight hug?" James leans over and gives me a puppy dog face. 

"No."

"Now who's being nasty?" James wraps his arms around my bare waist and traces patterns on my back. 

"I don't know," I smile and hold his hands tight. "You know, I used to hate you."

"Like I didn't know."

"But now I don't…"

"Good to know," James moves closer and I can feel is body against my back. 

"About that good night hug you wanted…"

(AN: ok, let's leave the rest to your no doubt vivid imaginations. This is only PG I think…)

I'm woken by loud sounds. Actually, I think it's music. Whoever the hell is playing music this loudly at 2 am is going to have to deal with me. I have a huge headache. Untangling James' arms from me, I slide out of bed and pull on one of James' shirts that I use as pyjamas. That's the bad thing about living in a flat; you have to put up with neighbors that live on the other side of the wall. I slip out the front door and follow the sounds until I am standing in front of flat 6C. These annoying people better have a good explanation. I ring the door bell, and when there's no response, I hammer on the door as hard as I can. 

~*~*~*~*~*

I wake up to some weird loud sounds. The first thing I notice is that Lily is not next to me. Maybe she went to the bathroom. I lie starring at the ceiling for a few minutes. She still isn't back. I drag myself out of bed and walk into various rooms calling her name. Nowhere. What the hell is that loud sound? I should find out. 

~*~*~*~*~*

After a moment the music dims a little and someone opens the door. 

"What?" whoever it is demands rudely. 

"You're playing your music incredibly loudly and some people are trying to sleep. Actually, it's 2 am so I think most people are trying to sleep, but can't because of your inconsiderate playing of loud music. Now if you wouldn't mind-" I stop dead in my sentence. The guy is starring at me with wide blue eyes. Wait, I know that guy…

"Lily?"

I almost choke. "Martin?!?" then everything is black. 

"Lily… are you ok?"

I open one eye. My head is killing me and my elbow feels bruised. I open the other eye. I'm lying in some guy's lap. Then everything floods back into my memory. 

"Get your hands off me," I say, pushing Martin's hand off my leg and trying to stand. Ow, I'm back on the floor again. 

"I think you passed out," Martin helps me onto a couch. 

I look at him skeptically. "Where am I?"

"In my flat."

"Whatever, I have to go."

"Why are you here?"

"I _live_ here," I respond acidly, "And what are you doing here?"

"I live here too," Martin folds his arms. 

"I thought you went to Russia."

"I did."

"But?"

"But… I went back and Siryca… she's engaged, ok?"

Oh… "I'm sorry, I really am."

The conversation gets no further. 

"Lily!" It's James. 

"James."

"What are you doing here? Who is-" James stops in mid sentence, no doubt having recognized Martin. 

"James, before you say anything, I was here to yell at whoever was playing the incredibly loud music that woke me up. And now I'm done," I stand up and lead James back to our flat. 

"But that's… that's…"

"Yes, Martin, I know."

"You knew??"

"Only now did I find out."

"Lily, I don't want you anywhere near him-"

"Can we just get some sleep?" I say, placing my hand on his chest. 

"Of course," James relaxes and pulls me under him into a kiss. 

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: hope that was an exciting chapter. Sorry I changed this chapter so many times, this one's here to stay. Hopefully you liked it better than the other version. This is not the ending to the story, there should be a few more chapters. With Martin here for a while it should get more interesting. I won't reply to the reviews for the old chapter 29. it's going to take me about two weeks for each update, so plz be patient, cuz now I have school and three early mornings in a week! plz review and tell me what you think of this chapter. Appreciated. Thanks. 

-Electra*27- 


	30. Other Things

Loveless Lily 

Chapter Thirty

I have the most horrible headache when I wake up. Last night was the worst sleep I've had for ages. For a moment I can't even remember what happened, but then it all comes flooding back. Ah yes, Martin and his very loud music. It's funny; he seems to have changed a lot. Since when did Martin like rock bands? I stumble out to the kitchen where a fluoro green post-it note catches my eye.  

            Dear Lils, gone out to buy some things, will be back by lunch. Love JP 

So that's where James is. I'm making breakfast when there's a knock on the door. 

"Come in!" I call as I lift the frying pan off the stove. Food definitely tastes better when made the muggle way, without magic. 

"Um, hi."

I almost trip over myself. It's Martin. 

"Oh, hi," I smile and scrape the eggs onto my plate. 

"You dropped this last night," Martin holds up an emerald stud. 

"Oh! Thanks," I say, taking it from him and sitting down. Martin stands around looking awkward. 

"Take a seat," I say. 

"Where's James?" Martin looks nervous. 

"Out… buying things…" I say in between forkfuls of food. 

"Oh, ok…"

"Have you had breakfast?"

"Yeah…"

"Ok…"

I glance at Martin – still the same deep blue eyes, more angular jaw line, and longer scruffier hair. He coughs nervously and I look back down at my food. 

"Sorry for… um… you know, just sort of suddenly appearing…"

"I think I'm over the shock," I reply, walking over to the sink and dumping my plate in soapy water. 

"Shock? A good shock?" Martin's eyes sparkle playfully for a second. "Sorry, that was out of line," he quickly says. 

For second it actually occurs to me that I've missed Martin… What? No! No way!

"Lily?" Martin says. I was obviously lost in my thoughts for a while. 

"Hmn? Oh, sorry. Um… how long have you lived here?"

"Just a few weeks. I went back to Russia, went back to Siryca, she was engaged, I fooled myself into thinking I could win her back, even after my 7 year absence, she got married, and so I came back… came back here…"

"You never wrote to me," I state. 

"I was so… confused, muddled… I tried to write things, but I couldn't put stuff on paper-"

"Martin!"

Martin and I turn around to face a girl standing at the open front door. 

"Who are you?"  I automatically ask. 

"Jeannie Flynn," the girl approaches us and entwines an arm around Martin, "And you must be Lily Evans."

"Uh, yeah, that's me," I reply, giving Jeannie a sweeping look. She's tall, lean, and has perfect flawless skin, sea green eyes framed by long mascared eyelashes, and golden hair neatly pinned back from her face. She's wearing a fitted dark grey suit with a blood coloured blouse, silver dangly earrings to match her necklace and bracelet, and polished black high heels, a perfectly manicured hand clasping her little purse. 

"How do you know my name?"

"Martin talks about you all the time," she has an accent I can't quite place.

I glance at Martin for an explanation. 

"Lily, this is Jeannie, my girlfriend," Jeannie gives Martin a look, "I mean, my _partner_."

Ookaaay… so Miss Sophisticated Rich Girl is Martin's girlfriend. No, _partner_. 

"Nice to meet you," I say, and Jeannie does the strangest thing. She comes and kisses the air on either side of my face. Ah yes, that accent, it's French. 

"You're French," I comment after her kissing ritual. 

"My parents are French, but I grew up in America." So that's why her accent sounded funny. "Martin, we should go now, I have lunch reserved for us at 12 and you don't want to go dressed like that," she says, checking her stylish watch. 

"What's wrong with this?" Martin says. I agree. What's wrong with his shirt and jeans?

"Martin, it's not proper to eat at a restaurant dressed like a mess without a tie." Martin mimes choking then grins. 

"Bye Lily."

"Bye."

~*~*~*~*~*

"Lily?" I call as I close the front door behind me, "Lils, I bought you your favourite Italian food!"

"Oh, hi!" Lily pokes her head round a corner, her hair dripping from what I would assume to be a shower. She helps me take the food to the kitchen. 

"I'm not really hungry yet," Lily says. 

"Ok then… in that case, we have time for other things," I say as she seats herself on the kitchen bench and crosses her legs.  

"What other things?" she asks, arranging her bathrobe to cover her toes. 

I answer the question by leaning forward and planting a kiss on her lips. Lily lets her hands stealthily unbutton my shirt. I smile as I pull away, my nose almost touching hers, her hands on my bare back. 

"You know, Martin has a girlfriend," Lily suddenly says, ruining the moment. 

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: sorry! Really, I am. I haven't updated for years!!! Ok, more like months but yeah… this chapter was totally made up on the spot. I had a draft but I didn't keep to it while I typed. Anyways, review replies as usual:

Evil sea monkey 

Clothespeg rules

Drama queen

Crazy starz

Window seat wonderer

Crimson girl

Shadow fox

Sirius foreva

HHH

Dee ann

Quanta warrior

- as you know, I did a new ch29, so yeh, not much point in replying to those reviews, but I thought I'd do you all a reply just to show I am grateful for ur reviews. Thx. 

Sirius foreva – I don't really like most of the recent chapters. I'm kinda losing direction in this story…

Windowseat wonderer – glad sum1 thinx it's cute… :P

Clothespeg – I'm running out of ideas actually. 

Crazy starz – you haven't read my new fic press poem. Actually, it's been there a while, b4 u went 2 japan. Oh well, I guess u've given up on the 'informed one' for my fics/poems now… I'll cope. LL should have a few more chaps. Mayb 5?? I really don't know…

Bucaneerbabe – L and J aren't on holiday, I sed they got their newts and finished skool at the beginning of the chap. Sorry it took so long to update. Thx 4 the persistent reviews. If u hadn't of pestered me I mite not be updating yet…

Ronsgurl – amazing huh? Flattered…. Really, I am. 

Mugglenet27 – it isn't the end of him… u were rite. 

THX PPLZ! :)

-Electra*27-


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